And here She came. The Dis of the Vanir. The Volva. She who was among the Norse Gods I could not reach. Till two weeks ago.
It was so different from anything I had heard that I didn’t recognized her at first. I was still in disbelief when I realized that blue and ambers were her obvious symbols. She reeked…. She had Death written all over her energy. It was a big surprise, even though you once in a while that She’s the Chooser of the Slain. While Hel is much more deep and complex, the essence of Death itself, a sense of place too, something really intricate, Freyja smelled like a dead person. I have experienced this since I’ve been a child / teenager : death is like an mark. A thing, an energy, that attach to people and modify their personal energy. It’s like a smell, a taste, and a physical sensation in my belly. Fucking scary when you’re young. Then you get “used to it”. Meaning that you don’t get so chocked anymore, but you never really get used to it. Anyway, Freyja was to my knowledge a Goddess of Ecstasy and Life, and Sex, etc etc. Thus, when I had that weird energy blow in my face, I was confused. For our first encounter, that was weird.
And then it went awry. First, I laughed – ahhhhh psychopomping, again, of course. Second, I panicked, in full repression mode. “Why the Hell is She here ? What does She want ?” The moment where I told myself : dear Gods, I have already so much to do, I have many dear spiritual allies, I have already a Mistress, and many teachers… no more. I don’t think I can handle one more, my plate is full, I don’t see how I can manage to honor and work with a new matron goddess in the middle of everything that I am trying to making fit in a pattern already. Please. And then people around me telling me that “oh yes”, like it’s obvious and makes fucking sense… Yes, it does. I can see it does. Why am I so scared then ? So I centered, I took a deep breath, and then I said hi. I took the leap of faith, and it went fine. Small steps. I don’t see where this is headed, but it’s very accurate.
But thanks to a friend (hi Michelle) who passed on a message to me, I was put to ease, and I went around my unexpected fear. The signs piled up. An another good friend pointed me in the direction of an amazing piece of craft dedicated to her (which you can see on the left of the shot, the pouch, better views here), and I felt a “click” when I received it. It’s charged, connected. It was the right move to do. There’s blue everywhere around me now, one of my favorite color, but also the color I’ve always linked to my divination practices. Other sign, my mom gave me an old, amazing blue and black cloth for my card practices, which fitted nicely to the Lady’s demand that I dedicate her that partly (it’s the cloth on the shot). Then I went to nshrine and saw there was no shrine that included this “aspect” of Her, so I created one to honor that part as She asked. And I could go on like this. Is there a big board indicating me some sort of highway ? Maybe. I’m taking my time.
She apparently is taking the role of the Teacher. And it feels very nice, She has an amazing patience with my thick mind and my fears. I don’t think I have ever had a Spiritual Teacher before. I had to follow tracks and find the answers on my own, with the Spirits and the Gods alike. And Morrigan behaves in a very different way. Freyja is calm (for now!) and patient, and very close to me, to this world (or it is me? Am I in a in-between state without realizing?). So She’s straightforward, and I can really hear her, follow her lead. We’ll see where it goes.