Let’s do this. This post has been on my mind the whole week, held inside my body too, such strong sensations and poetic panoramas overlapping the landscape. I’m sorry that this arrives on Saturday and not the traditional Friday, but it was meant for yesterday so. I won’t waste an occasion to speak about the lady and share my views just because of a date.
Please note that this is going to relate personal experiences, and no knowledge of the lore.
The top shrine is essentially dedicated to Freyja, and it has been installed on an old, familial piece of furniture traditional of that house near the sea. Ever since I arrived, for a reason, I felt her. I needed space for her. (For those who don’t know me and don’t follow this blog regularly, there is a formal distinction : I am devoted to the Morrigan (owned by), not Freyja; in my mind, feeling Freyja first is… somehow weird).
I had not planned on finding her here, after my return back to France (after two years in Canada). Why near the sea, and not in the North? Why not among fields and forests, and hills, and birds and falcons? But everything here resonates.
I feel her on the beach,
Step after step
My feet in the burning afternoon sand,
Or the cold sand of the evening,
Marching in her footsteps
I feel her as I walk on the shores
As the wind blows in my loose hair
As my gaze searches for the horizon
Why does it feel painful?
I am a mixture of freedom and sorrow
The world is silent but for nature’s call
I am serene
Yet I can feel that pull in my chest
The aching of my heart
A longing and a melancholy
My favorite moment is the end of the day,
When people are busy elsewhere
When the light changes colors
As the sun crosses the sky
The sea darkens and the sky lightens
I am of roses and purples
Of blues and indigos mixed with crimson red
And oranges and gold
Tainting the clouds and sky
And then I can see and feel plainly
The taste of amber
Both light and dark
Both peaceful and aching
That bloody sky and sea
I can hear now more clearly
That bitter song that has been haunting me
The Siren song, yearning and aching
Mardöll by Maris Pai aka, Marisvision
I don’t remember having read anything in the Lore that corroborates, developps etc this aspect. Apart from this quote that Maris reminded me of, I have nothing in mind bu visions and impressions of the Gods:
“Freyja has many names, and this is the cause thereof: that she gave herself sundry names, when she went out among unknown peoples seeking Ódr: she is called Mardöll and Hörn, Gefn, Sýr.”
For a reason that I have never been able to explain, Freyja as a Goddess wandering on shores is associated in mind / core with a younger aspect of Freyja. It has happened to me before that certain aspects of the Gods are chronological. I see Freyja as a Valkyrie and a master of Seidhr as the latest aspects. I underlined above that “definition” to state my vision as clearly as possible: Freyja (Mardöll) is not a goddess of the Sea to me. Her younger aspect is tied to her Father’s nature, and derives from the same differenciation (which I do not justify with lore, again, this is personal experiences, might be unique) : Njord is not a God of the Sea per se; Njord is not Aegir or Ran, they both have a very distinct nature and realm of power. I see and feel Aegir and Ran as divinities from a different nature, that has been described under the following categories : “titans”, “giants”, “Jotnar”, etc. They feel intrinsically more “primal”, as beings associated with blunt natural forces. Hence, Aegir and Ran rule over what is associated with climate and pure natural laws of the sea to me: the winds, the currents, the storms, the waves, the depths. So what about Njord? I’d recommend reading lore and all instead of me on that point XD But anyway, we can say he has been associated with a more “civilized” aspect of the sea, which is more about trade and journeys, people that sails over the sea from land to land. Might be associated with fishing and the abundance of the sea shores too. It’s been a while I read on that subject. Anyway, somehow I see him closer to the land that Gods of the “deep sea” (mentionned above), not only on a metaphorical plane, but on a physical one (actual distance). Hence, I do not see Freyja-Mardöll at all as a Goddess of the “deep sea” either; She’s restricted to the shores, potentially sea travelling.
Until today, I had no remembrance of that above quote from the Lore, but my feelings and visions have remained constant over the year: I see Freyja-Mardöll as young Freyja roaming the shores, and looking over the horizon in search for a sign of Ödr ; waiting for the Lover’s return. The melancholy and the aching of the heart, and the tears of amber trailing her cheeks. I thus realized just how accurate it had been to offer her my broken heart months ago, doing that ritual of broken love, about lovers being separated by the sea (ocean). She is so representative of that sort of grieving! I have worked with her as a Healer in that sense, offering pain, sadness and all. I had not realized it since I acted on pure intuition, but it makes a lot of sense in the end. I wonder if she tried herself on the sea, as a sailor, looking for him on any coasts she could land (not sure if that’s the right English word). In a sense, she is a divine Look-out (or Vigil? or both?). A thing that I have not cracked yet, is why she feels so serene, while being in such pain at the same time.
Anyway, here we are. I’m not sure I could continue on this subject today. But here you have it, my personal feelings on that matter. I wish more people could share they experiences with Mardöll, as she is very dear to me.