Hard to keep it straight

After a tremendous beginning in my special worship of Morrigan, I encountered a “down” phase, which troubles me.

I know such thing happens, quite often maybe. But I was wishing I could avoid it. At first it disappointed me, but it then made me think : maybe it’s just a reminder that I’m only a human, and that I’ll remain one. It may also be because such intense work with the Gods need to be integrating, and for that one need an empty space (in the body, mind and spirit). So let’s call it a break. I need time to know what to do next, to strenghten the worship. But I think Morrigan understood something that I didn’t see coming : in fact I even need to develop my own polytheism. It’s my purpose, my wish, but I sort of let it go loose for the last past months, or at least, I explored quite randomly. I was very pleased to work with Dionysos, Diana, Artemis my old Guide, Persephone, Demeter, Meretseger (real help for my work with Death), and some others. It was good, but it lacked…. I don’t know, something like being grounded. So I settled down in my personal secular life in order not to be torn apart, and to get the proper serenity and stability. But this, as usual, often leads me to “stopping” my spiritual activities. It was a little scary, but I didn’t pay attention because it happened before, and I know that things move themselves and come back to normal later.

So during this period I tried to focus, to learn more about myself, my strenghs and weaknesses. I developped Qi Gong and Tai Chi practises which help me so much…. I’m working on feeling the energies of things (animals, humans, emotions, thoughts, pains, …) and do begin my apprenticeship in healing. At first I couldn’t see the point, but now I know I was right to do it and holding on : because now I begin feeling the energies involved in healing (my own, the others), and my hands feel better such things, I’m better at massage things, maybe I’ll be able to “manipulate” energies soon… I also settled the zen spirit of many of my practises (tea, drawing, contemplation), got back to my relationship with the runes, worked with animals and plants.

But after all this mess here I am, and now I’m back. Back to my polytheism. Ready to start over my worships with my gaulish pantheon. And that, Morrigan saw it coming long before me. Because Belenos went forth and present himself to me, and I think he has not left any second since. Today I realised that I have stuffs to do with Esus, starting praying and worshiping, but also starting a series of encounters (to know him), because He is the very right God I need for my works with the Underworld. As I realised reading Sarah Lawless. And so Morrigan may actually be respecting my own rhythm this time, and not pushing me… Just waiting for her own time to come. And I’m very glad about it. That we respect each other human or God, and work together as family. Damn’, I’m grateful.

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