First step towards Morrigan initiation

Here we are.

I couldn’t feel, I couldn’t practice, I was in doubt, maybe even shameful. I thought I was unable and unworthy of this so powerful Goddess, Morrigan. But after the trial, she showed me that she can have great patience and indulgence. She reassured me, showed me she trusts me. It’s a huge gift, it’s even more humbling than anything. It took me many signs to see, many crow messengers, sharing experience with other people, even, an oracle from Dionysos, but now I see very clearly. And I do not only see ; I took the part of action and experienced, faced her.

During a rather short ritual, a Full Moon ritual, I chose to express and show that I had acknowledge her message. And in order to be able to go on down the road to her, I wanted to purify myself. So did I, physically and spiritually… But then came the vision, the unexpected event, little event, but which has a depth I can’t share through words. I went through the first step of my initiation I guess. I learned many things, crucial “tools” to be her servant and work with her. She purified me herself, and tested me. So that I can learn to trust her blindfully, saving me from death ; plus I learned to handle my fear. It must not be rejected or suppressed. It must be there, integrated in your being, being one with yourself. And so did I, ‘accidentally’. It’s a weird state because on the one hand you can still feel you fear (but muffled), and on the other hand it creates peace and energy (ecstasy?) which drives you forward. It’s the strength of the Warrior. Maybe now I’m a Warrior of the Great Queen. I can feel it… I feel so humble she taught me those things, and affirmed to me that I’m worthy, that she trusts me.

The details can be seen on the Temple’s page.

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Precious sacred tools

I’m not a big fan of tools, but they can be very useful and inspiring. So when I need one, I take much time to think, to create it myself or to look for the right one. Here are prayer beads which never leave me, always in my pocket or in my bag. It’s really sacred, a means of devotion…

Shamanic chain to the Spirits (c) Moony

Polytheist rosary (essentially celtic) (c) Moony

Ornament of the Forest dedicated to my deer Totem (c) Dver, “Im Walde”


When Gods and Spirits “bully” you

Yeah, because there are hard times when you think they push you too much and too hard. – That’s what I went through for the past week . And gosh, it seemed long !

The fact is that, most of the times, the more you work and open yourself, the more the Gods and Spirits rush through. Since I didn’t only want to be a devotee, but wanted to “experience” deities, and somehow uttered the wish of listening to them (and serve), they got me literally. They took me at my words. So on the way, I felt more and more indeed, I was able to hear them and respond. But what I hadn’t seen coming, is that it went quicker than I planned, was more efficient !

There are times, rare times but still more frequent than for most people, when I am totally open. What does that mean ? It means that any entity that passes by can come and communicate with and through me. Dead peole, Gods, Spirits, and the like. The difficulty is when they come and speak all together at the same time. Yes, it’s possible. Even if it’s only one powerful deity or spirit that possess you fully it can be disturbing. The thing is that you go through the great danger (peril?) of losing yourself : you really can go mad. You can lose the sense of what is real and what is not, what is there and what is not, of who you are, what you’re capable of and so on.

What happens is that you benefit for a short period of the subtle and perfect view of the Spirit(s) and/or God(s). It is not human, it is different and “higher” in a way. That’s is why it is so hard to grasp. When the Gods and Spirits are too close to you, or too present in your open mind, you can lose your self, literally, your ego. You see most of the times with their eyes, but still a little with yours, which produces a very disturbing dephasing effect. It seems inappropriate, impossible, crazy… It sets you apart from people, from things, from the world.

When you are the type of person who commits himself for real, to the Spirits and Gods, you are likely to be answered. The Gods and Spirits show you what you look for, sometimes even more what you should look for. And in such cases of “full opening”, when they all show you things you seemingly did not ask, it’s harsh for you. It feel as if the Gods and Spirits are forcing you things you don’t want to, you didn’t ask for, as if they are bullying you. In fact it is only an impression most of the time, due to the fact that they are so close (or “up there” in your mind) that you can’t see clearly. – Plus the fact you often forgot that you committed and asked.

The thing is that it’s hard anyway for anyone to endure. And often, we lose control progressively without realising it we tend to “elevate” ourselves from the soil since we are turned towards subtile vibrations, thoughts, and visions (which is more linked to air and ether). So as I figured out, help by Sarenth in the process, the best thing in such cases, with the fright, the doubts, and the like, it to shut up. I mean, use whatever means you can to detach yourself from all of it, any feelings you have. For this use silence (not writing, not talking), and make grounding exercice. It will help you detach from the situation, but also from what is put into your head by the Gods and Spirits, and finally, it’s also a way to detach from your “lost”, doubting self so as to find your way back in the end. Be patient, wait for the moment when the tempest cools down and allows you to see.

Celebration of the Written Word

On this 11 January 2011, I join Sannion in his praise to the Gods of wisdom and writing and to the Muses. Here are some verses that I love…. despite the shame that I can’t remember on this day more personal likings… (no French poets ! Shame)

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28

Bright star, would I were steadfast as thou art —
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like Nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors —
No — yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft swell and fall,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever — or else swoon to death

“Bright Star”, Keats

“How happy is the blameless Vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d

Alexander Pope, “Eloisa to Abelard”