I am a searcher, and after several years, I can’t imagine my life without spiritual services.
It’s been in me since my childhood. People look at me as if I am not human because they know that most human ‘all of them for many) have a natural tendency to be mean and to detroy life, and yet, I often put other people even before myself, and I can’t but help anybody, anytime. My psychic faculties arose when I was 12. It was absolutely terrifying and yet exciting. I could do so many things, where did they came from ? I could read people’s faces, feelings, and minds. I could see things that were past, distant present, and future. I could sense so many things. I could hear voices of people that were not here, dead I guess. It turned badly only one year later, my best friend who was into the secret had psychologic issues and turned crazy for a time. So adults told us it was all wrong and false, “collective hallucination” or whatever. Even if for me it had all been real, I told myself it was dangerous and I stopped it all. But how can you tell to someone who Sees repeatedly, with acute precision, with no information, that it’s all false and impossible ? Years later it all blew in my face because I suppressed it and not chose to abandon it (I didn’t know the difference). And that was the trigger : I was just denying who I truly was. So I resumed my researchs, and decided to practice to master all those things. I have been astonished to see how hard it was for me to let it all flow up again, and to try to practice at will. In the course of my research, and I went from psychic and mental faculties to magic, to paganism… I turned polytheist. It was the first time I could link all of my deepest feelings, and that I could use these faculties for other people. And the notion of service comes back again at this point. I could not but try to help other people, young people or people new to their faculty, as it was the help I had lacked myself. It deepens with time actually.
The last article that Dver wrote just confirms it to me. It’s a huge choice in my life. It requires much time, and I have to delete some wishes on my list regularly (learning to sew, to sing, to play music etc). Moreover I have to continue to learn and discover things to understand what it truly means, and what I really am. What the use to lose time try things you’re not gifted for ? All the more so as you have a very full life. So I dropped tarot reading, I’m better at oracles, but not as good as with runes, or even better without any support. I’m good at seeing and “feeling” (things, the Gods and Spirits). So I dropped crystals and plants, I dropped withcraft and magic (well, I practice a little for myself, but I don’t do intense study anymore, it is not my thing). I also dropped the idea of opening an online store as so many people do – even though I found a project that is unique, but I have no time. No, I’m good at answering questions and getting people in touch with Gods, Spirits…. and themselves. I’m not so good at creating and crafting, even if I got something with drawing and painting lately, and I write even better. Frigg showed up in my life, and I could not understand the Matron of spinners and weavers since I suck at it. Now I understand it : she is here because she is a master Seeress and Prophetess, what I am. And she is here because I am a Weaver… but a Weaver of souls. I am here to guide people, to help as I can, not to overcross their freedom and their choices. To help them find themselves, be independant, do things themselves, and find the Gods and Spirits. I wanted to be a healer, since my early childhood I’ve craved to be a healer and if I hadn’t sucked so much in maths (because I have a crazy logic) I would have be a doctor even maybe a surgeon. But it’s not what I am : I am no enchanteress, sorceress, old healing crone, no reiki thing…. No I am supposed to be a spiritual healer, a soul healer. And that’s good enough. That’s in fact very sutble… I don’t understand it all right now. I did not had the strength to begin the shaman path for that… my health did not allow me to travel or do any intense work. But I am working on it… And I will do my best to stick to what I am good at, and what I am supposed to be.
When I crossed the line of the internet a whole world opened to me. I didn’t not know people who believed in such things in my irl life. So now I had a way to fulfill my nature and help and serve others. The technical questions were quickly raised: how was I to do that? What community could I serve? It then appeared to me that I had already begun online even though I didn’t see it, and so I pursued on this path. I don’t think I’ll do that forever (not all), but it is for the time being, since there are no real physical projects in the area (and I’m going to build them, it will take time). So I’m walking slowly towards priesthood and shamanic duty. For those who have the time (and the curiosity of courses), here is a summary of my sacred duty to the community:
- last Autumn Equinox I opened a Temple to Morrigan, as she asked me too : “L’Antre de Morrigan“. I deliver “official” information (the texts), personal glosis, arts devoted to this Goddess, but also any resources and modern stuff (magazines etc), my personal path with her (rituals, photos, art, prayers etc), and oracles on New/Black Moon. Recently I also followed The Goddess’s wish to open a public board, for people to share their stories, answers questions, go to the virtual shrine, and participate to public rituals.
- In the course of April, Belenos showed up as my Patron God and asked me too to build a shrine and temple. I discovered that in Gaul he was known as a prophetic God (my three patrons are prophetic gods, no wonder), and that oracles were done for him. So it appeared to be very natural that he asked for a public place and me to offer services in his name and honor. And I’ve only begun to build it in fact ! He showed me so many possibilities… “Le Sanctuaire de Belenos“
- I share my personal path with Khepry and Meretseger at “L’Autel du Desert” (aka, the shrine of/in the desert)
- I may be sharing my personal path and research about Frigg who showed up recently.
- With my very modest experience, I filled a huge lack of resources about runes: I created a focused board on the subject with a friend, and I opened online worshops that are very intense (eight months meditation).
- I keep a global site too, a wordpress, which has been enlarged and displays: thoughts and reflections, articles, essays, calls for submissions, resources, meditations, … And I have a series of posts about personal spiritual development and topics that are rarely tackled (problem of patrons gods, of being too spiritually open, of comminucation with Gods, etc)
- And when I have time, I propose to cast runes or do pure psychic sessions for people
It seems that google translator can offer a minimum translation for non-french speakers if you’re like to get a look at it.