Loss of references

Excerpt from Journal:

“It seems She’s always been there. Couldn’t I see ? I had no feelings, no attraction, no knowledge about her, nothing. And this world didn’t talk to me at all, I couldn’t penetrate it.

But now ! Now is the funny thing of all. Everywhere I turn, I see Her. Everything I touch, it’s hers. There is no “escape”, it’s everywhere I look, and transforms everything. All my past references, landmarks, were they false ? She’s transforming them. My Matron Goddess seems to be living, Spirits are rushing towards me in a crowd, calling me to Her place. My pendulum was commissioned to speak and connect with my ancestors and some spirits, but now the Dead rushing through have been taking it over ; the skull, the colors (black and brown, onyx/obisidian and tiger eye) speak of their realm and of Her. A spider climbing my book and my hand, and I have that taste in my mouth, this flash of “down there”. I try to avoid it, I try not to think about it, not to project. But everywhere, they and She are everywhere…

I’ve seen Her in my mirror this morning, putting an old necklace I could not bear anymore but the colors were matching my shirt : the look of my face with the two pendants earrings, and the necklace…. Apples. I could see her, and her graps, enclosing me. Is that what I felt ? “No matter what you do, wherever you go, you’re mine”…

I think all this is beyond me, but I’m not sure what is happening yet…

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