Getting to know oneself.
I’ve just realised how stupid I’ve been, bashing myself up… My relationship with Gods and Spirits is getting more and more intense with time, it seems it never stops increasing. Hence, it’s getting me farther and farther from here. I.e.: I need to go travel this and that worlds to see Y and then X etc. My “natural” response was to think “oh damn’ it, I have to prepare for a very long journey!” – I wrote “natural” between “” because I realised it’s not. Why not natural ? Because it’s what I’ve seen others do, and it is what I thought I have to do myself. Like there is a proper way to do it and you must follow.
But I’ve learnt to observe, including myself. To listen to my body and to be careful about my abilities and such. And the past two weeks ? I’ve learnt crazy stuff, it’s been really wild for me. I’m not sure yet, but I think I don’t need to journey. I’ve already done it, I know how to do it, even if I lack so much practice – but I also respected the warnings I’ve always read and hear about physical exhaustion and journeying. I have been sick and sick and sick… and mentally weak, for many years now, at least 4. So I decided that if I hadn’t very urgent matters that needed me to journey, I would not do it. So no, I don’t journey. Not for fun, not even for my own spiritual development, I didn’t.
And after all this mess that came up lately, I’ve been observing and thinking : I might not need to. It’s weird, it’s not what I’ve learnt and read and heard, so I’ve been feeling very crapy, like a fraud even, for a week now. But this is not how I work.What is natural to me is pathwalking : walking two worlds at a time. I’m not sure for now, but I even think that my two bodies can be totally independent. Because lately, I’ve been dragged by the Spirits to very far and strange places… while I was running errands, walking in the street, having a very mondane life. I don’t do anything. It comes to me. Spirits show up in this world, or they drag my body through the worlds to where I need to be. If I refuse to do it, and I can, it hurts. And most of the time, it’s just… filling my life. I basically do nothing but I constantly get visions and feelings and physical sensations. Energies, emotions, spirits, it’s all there. I’m stuck between the worlds, quite often even more “there” than “here”.
Maybe that’s what I need to work on, and not try and follow what most people do, like journeying. Yeah, maybe that’s okay.