It is really hard to come here and to gather my thoughts.
The more time passes and the less “wordy” I become, both because my Path included Silence as a Sacred behavior, but also because my cognitive pattern becomes less and less intellectually inclined. As I turned to the Spirit World in depth, my pattern grew stronger and stronger, and less ans less intellectual/verbal. My gifts are all but about words, and they are growing, and leading me away from that. It is images, symbols, and most of all, senses. The empathy is really an energetic sensor of everything, a brand new way to read the world, the worlds. But I’m deviating from my topic. Of course with all the bullshit we read about the end of the world it is very delicate to come here and talk about what we feel about what is really happening. I feel fear and shame, and apprehension. But here I am, and I will try.
Yule or “Winternight” has always been my favorite sacred time of the year. I don’t even know why, and it’s really paradoxical because I have a very harsh family history around it. But I guess… I’ve always been someone who is particularly sensitive to light, exactly like a painter (except I don’t paint well), and Yule is the best or strongest time of the year. It was in my body, in my bones, in my heart and soul : the period is dark, and here in France we had two previous years where snow was in the air, reinforcing a period of retreat. The warmth of the home, time to purify, time to find new light in our lives and in our hearts, to strengthen human bonds…. Yule is marvellous, Yule has always been to me the brighter period of the year. Yes, weird, but you heard it. To me, the light of Yule is all the more so purer because we know exactly how to appreciate it in contrast to the enclosing darkness. Because the light is in us. I felt the starkness, the peeling off of the things that were hindering us. Purity, simplicity, the essential. Love, human warmth, values.
Something that I’ve found very weird and funny, is that Yule is actually the End of the World – each year ! Not because our administrative calendar sets the end of the year on the 31st December, but because the power of the cycle of light. Because each year, as light declines, it affects us greatly, some are even distressed or depressed. Each year, we meditate on what we have and what we care about, and we pray for the return of the light. In Ancient Times if I remember correctly, each year was a sort of ritual to invoke the sun and ask for its return, because we were not sure it would. Each Yule, from the Solstice to the end of December, was a possible end.
So what is different this year ? Nothing. Except the power.
This year is again an end of the world, an ultimate step of the cycle. But yes, this year, those who are sensitive can feel the momentum of the moment. It is stronger that any Yule I’ve seen before. So, while I wonder about previous Yules I have not known because I wasn’t “aware” / “awoken”, and wasn’t a polytheist and such, I still feel a difference this year. Previous sensations are present : as I feel we are passing under an arch, or through a door. But I also feel more high and intense energy, and an even stronger feeling of suspension. The Spirits and Gods have never been that relentless and that loud. Again, was I able to hear and feel that much before ? Maybe not, but still, when they express so much energy, even unsensitive people can feel it. So if they had been, I could I have felt something before… but I didn’t.
My Allies have pushed forward very hard this year, this whole year. They have pressured me, and always told me in essence “you have to do this and this before the winter solstice”. I had to transform, and quick. I had to grow, I had to learn who I was, I had to accept and begin to grasp my power. Before you scorn this down, let me say that I still have no ideas why, and that I don’t believe in a great plan, in the rescue of only the enlighted souls etc. But in spite of this, my Spirits speeded up my training. And I’ve observed this not only for me, but for many spiritual people, and fellow spirit-workers (to be general). So while the “why” is still unanswered, I feel like a new generation might have been brought in. That many people needed to consolidate their faith and their path to pass through the door of this Winter Solstice. Is it for what is happening ahead ? yes, I think so, even if I can’t remember the nature of what I’ve seen. But I’ve seen Gods behave in very strange ways. Gods that were so close to me and yet let me down till today. They left me alone, they didn’t answer my calls. I was left with my Spirits, and fortunately they are a whole “pack”, so I wasn’t alone. But feeling their impatience, their febrility, and their preparing… for what ? I don’t know, but the thing is that they are preparing. I also was attacked by a bunch of troubled spirits. As a reminder : NO I don’t believe I was attacked because I have more light than others. But the fact that some spirits didn’t behave, while otherwise people don’t get that easy in trouble usually… it’s a synchronicity that might add to the whole.
Thus, on a personal level, this is the end of a world, the end of my world. I will never be the same person I was. I went through harsh diseases and harsh death and rebirth processes. I was refined, I was pushed, and I participated in the process. But now, on the verge on this leap (because I think it is a leap), I feel the momentum for me. I have got information about my path, my life’s direction, myself and who I am, what I am, what work I am supposed to do, who are my strongest allies, … and my power is growing. No, I’m no super-hero, I won’t save the world blablabla. I’m just me, I’m a spiritual person, and I have been called. And after I was kind of traumatised in order for me to acknowledge it, I am beginning to accept it, more than that : to step into the right position. To actually be what I am. It is not only unprecedented, but it is also a no-way back thing. Moving forward for good. Recently I behaved with my Spirits in ways that hugely surprise me, I have been firm and daring, I have started to lead instead of being led. And that, that really could be the occasion for a personal celebration, a real sacrament ceremony. Not for the world, but for me, for my path, my life. And of course then (but only then), for the people whose web is linked to mine.
And I have the feeling that this is the case for many people out there. That we, separately, and yet all together, we are coming to an apex, to a new step and a new leap. I feel the veil between the worlds is thinner than ever, more than any Samhain or else I’ve seen. I feel so much, I can see so much… It is as if there were no veil anymore between our worlds. I just can see and feel through. It is alive. It is here.
And what touches me even more, is that I have a growing warmth in me. Today, I know that many people will send thoughts my way, and that they mean it. This year may have been harsh, but as a Spirit-worker, Death-worker, psychopomp, I have never been that supported. I have learned to share with the right people, to ask for help, and it is so new and precious. I’ve built myself a network of allies, not only in the spirit world anymore. Those people have a real spiritual value for me, but human too. They could be, well, many of them already are in fact, my friends. It reminds me of what Dusken wrote recently, that we are a web of light. We are here to listen to each other, to share insights, to care for and support each other. And we will grow together. As I’m going to step forward I will not be alone. Never again. Which is why even if I’m not a fan of doing such things publicly, I will quote their names and thank them here. To Sannion, Columbine, Seastruck, Raan, Heather, Kajana, Liz, and Rebecca, I raise my glass. You are my closest, my foundation. But many more are dear to my heart. Like Beth, whose recent (professional!) spiritual help was priceles. Moreover, I was also deeply glad and relieved that the English speaking community is so wide, and that many people take the time to write, for their words taught and inspired me. Many people I cannot name, for this list would be too long. A community that builds up through articles and blogs, and private networks (forums, groups).
All I want for today is to meditate on this new world of mine, on what it means for my path, and be grateful. And tonight, I’ll come forward to my Spirits and Gods, and I will introduce myself again, but anew. And we will discuss the future, what has to be done, and how to bring the Light forth again.
I’ll put here articles about this Solstice that speak to my heart.
First of them is Columbine’s, who brought me the courage to write here today.
Then is Seastruck’s piece.