Autumn Equinox, Back to Basics

A few words, after so many months of silence on my personal work.

The Equinox has been really harsh on me, physically and energetically. I’ve been sick, and off, and weird, and full of fears. I have just realized how much it means to me, this new transformation, my ultime landmark because it is the sacred date where everything took place. “Mabon” is my faith birthday. I started becoming a Polytheist and acknowledging the Gods on the 2008 Equinox. It is Morrigan and I’s birthday, the so-much-sacred anniversary of our first encounter on the 2009 Equinox.  It is also the date of my first apprentice and priestess step, the anniversary of the opening of my sacred online sanctuary to the Morrigan. It is also a date of death and rebirth, where I found myself strongly sick (auto-immune disease) in 2011 and started my dark night of the soul (became an atheist back for 8 months). Anniversary of my coming back from the dead to life in 2012, after my shamanic initiation and rebirth from the physical disease (and depression).

And this year’s end (in sacred terms, Lughnasad and the Equinox being the last two festivals), it has been very  quick and brutal. I have had an literal white hole from July to August, after my body broke down again (from stress and the brutal ending of my university years and my thesis), and my spirituality was also a blank page since I had been focusing on only my work (I had only the strength to do one thing, and it had to be my degree). The end of the year and my defense literally blew my Self apart. It was the most intense fight of my life, fighting for my self and recognition of my work, fighting against my shattered psyche, Morrigan as watching, and pushing me in her own disturbing way : pushing me from afar without actually applying any pressure, just looking at me and making me understand that I had to take action. After that climax, the culmination of many years of battle, I needed a break. I tried vacations, I tried letting everything go, changing my mind etc. And most of all, resting, letting my body at peace, trying to recover, once again…

But the strangest thing is that during the month of July, there was this super intense astrological configuration (Star of David), and I started feeling the cogs of the machinery moving. My blank page became a page to actually write, and I kind of thought and made a wish… which took literal energy and form thanks to this weird opening in the Sky. I was at this hinge in my life, and without fully realizing the implications, I put the machinery into motion towards something very specific which I may not have been ready to take on. Anyway, I started realizing that these ideas of living a full spiritual life, and living spirituality “as a living”, may just not be wishful thinking. I have begun to discover that it is where I stand most centered and radiant. And then, my Spirits pushed me back, again, in the direction of my “Work”. Write write write. Divine divine divine. Everything came back and started taking shape. I had to give shape to those ideas, to start acting. And the machinery ran.

This Equinox is another transition and transformation, surely even more important that I have understood till now, and I also realized that when I thought I was disconnected from the Morrigan, and sad from being able to do so, She’s there, again. Is She my alpha and omega ? She was there at the start, will She be there when it ends ? Everything I’ve done since the end of August, now I can see She was there watching all along, and my new project is not only my life project, the project for my Spirits, but it is also fully linked to the Morrigan. She was there too, making me do it. Hail Morrigan, the great Warrior and Prophetess. I am just realizing how tenacious She is, how blind I am to always fear She’s gone. I started by opening the doors to the Gods and Spirits, and everything rushed through. I started with transformation. I started with Her. She’s much closer to me than I am used to think. She’s much closer to the group of “Spirits” I mention a lot, who guide me and ask of me. I am back to what I was at the beginning, and yet melding everything hints I’ve received till then (the writing, the book, the energetic drawings, seership, mediumship, death… but the project is just starting now)

I am a Door to the Otherworld, I am not from here but I am here nevertheless, I am at the Threshold. I’ve always been and yet rejected it. But I am learning, oh Gods, I assure you, I am learning to accept it. And just now, I can see this is how I relate most to the Morrigan. She’s my shadow…

This project is also going to be part of my path to the Morrigan then. Welcome to my Door, welcome on the Threshold.

It’s a work in progress, please be patient (a full website is coming). I’ve painted it red for now, for Her, but the design will change.


No experiences needed

If one focuses on facts and not on the emotional side of this article (feeling judged, fears of etc), it is excellent.

I think you don’t need any special “tuning” to perform a ritual even if it is better. It always disturbs me when I attend to a ritual where the person doesn’t “hear” or “feel”,  because I do, and I can’t conceive doing otherwise, yet I have witnessed the presence of the God/dess invoked “descend” to the sacred place. Anyway, worth a read (and short!)

The Druid's Cosmos

If any of you are still following my blog, you might have noticed lately that I haven’t been posting much.  I’d like to offer an explanation as to why.

When I first became Pagan, I did rituals to the best of my ability.  I tried to feel energy while casting circles and visualize as I worked spells.  I called to the Goddess and the God and asked for help with various things.  I made charm bags and took purification baths.

None of this was very effective for me.  When I became an ADF Druid, I did the same thing:  performed rituals and other workings to the best of my ability.  I still couldn’t really “feel” the presence of the Kindreds during my rituals, or direct energy, or visualize very well.  It would seem to some that I am not a very spiritual person, then, since I don’t have many “experiences.”

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The Knowledge Found in Silence

Sharing a Witchvox article on the practice of silence. The best part is at the core of the article, but I won’t quote the whole thing out of respect, only the first paragraphs.

“Have you taken a walk alone in a forest, or through a meadow, or along the seashore and come away feeling refreshed and rejuvenated? Have you been so excited about the healing effects of that walk that you invited a loved one with you the next time? Did you find that the effects of that lone walk were no longer so pronounced, perhaps even hard to feel at all? We often underestimate the power and knowledge to be found in silence.

Most people find it very difficult to be silent. It is not a natural ability but a learned skill for people. We congregate in groups large and small. We build community through ritual or family. We give into the desire to share what we have found and so often we lose what that was because we have broken the silence. I learned at a very young age that I am refreshed among the trees. I gain insight to myself and the world around me easiest among the trees. I feel the powers of earth, air, water, fire and spirit strongest among the trees. I am betting that wherever you feel closest to the mother, it is in silence that you feel it strongest. We tend to be a loud, clumsy, and exuberant people compared to the four legged and winged brethren. Our voices and noise drown out the quieter voices of the world so easily.” 

Go there.