Welcome Lady Freyja

And here She came. The Dis of the Vanir. The Volva. She who was among the Norse Gods I could not reach. Till two weeks ago.

It was so different from anything I had heard that I didn’t recognized her at first. I was still in disbelief when I realized that blue and ambers were her obvious symbols. She reeked…. She had Death written all over her energy. It was a big surprise, even though you once in a while that She’s the Chooser of the Slain.  While Hel is much more deep and complex, the essence of Death itself, a sense of place too, something really intricate, Freyja smelled like a dead person. I have experienced this since I’ve been a child / teenager : death is like an mark. A thing, an energy, that attach to people and modify their personal energy. It’s like a smell, a taste, and a physical sensation in my belly. Fucking scary when you’re young. Then you get “used to it”. Meaning that you don’t get so chocked anymore, but you never really get used to it. Anyway, Freyja was to my knowledge a Goddess of Ecstasy and Life, and Sex, etc etc. Thus, when I had that weird energy blow in my face, I was confused. For our first encounter, that was weird.

And then it went awry. First, I laughed – ahhhhh psychopomping, again, of course.  Second, I panicked, in full repression mode. “Why the Hell is She here ? What does She want ?” The moment where I told myself : dear Gods, I have already so much to do, I have many dear spiritual allies, I have already a Mistress, and many teachers… no more. I don’t think I can handle one more, my plate is full, I don’t see how I can manage to honor and work with a new matron goddess in the middle of everything that I am trying to making fit in a pattern already. Please. And then people around me telling me that “oh yes”, like it’s obvious and makes fucking sense… Yes, it does. I can see it does. Why am I so scared then ? So I centered, I took a deep breath, and then I said hi. I took the leap of faith, and it went fine. Small steps. I don’t see where this is headed, but it’s very accurate.

But thanks to a friend (hi Michelle) who passed on a message to me, I was put to ease, and I went around my unexpected fear. The signs piled up. An another good friend pointed me in the direction of an amazing piece of craft dedicated to her (which you can see on the left of the shot, the pouch, better views here), and I felt a “click” when I received it. It’s charged, connected. It was the right move to do. There’s blue everywhere around me now, one of my favorite color, but also the color I’ve always linked to my divination practices. Other sign, my mom gave me an old, amazing blue and black cloth for my card practices, which fitted nicely to the Lady’s demand that I dedicate her that partly (it’s the cloth on the shot). Then I went to nshrine and saw there was no shrine that included this “aspect” of Her, so I created one to honor that part as She asked. And I could go on like this. Is there a big board indicating me some sort of highway ? Maybe. I’m taking my time.

She apparently is taking the role of the Teacher. And it feels very nice, She has an amazing patience with my thick mind and my fears. I don’t think I have ever had a Spiritual Teacher before. I had to follow tracks and find the answers on my own, with the Spirits and the Gods alike. And Morrigan behaves in a very different way. Freyja is calm (for now!) and patient, and very close to me, to this world (or it is me? Am I in a in-between state without realizing?). So She’s straightforward, and I can really hear her, follow her lead. We’ll see where it goes.

Autumn Equinox, Back to Basics

A few words, after so many months of silence on my personal work.

The Equinox has been really harsh on me, physically and energetically. I’ve been sick, and off, and weird, and full of fears. I have just realized how much it means to me, this new transformation, my ultime landmark because it is the sacred date where everything took place. “Mabon” is my faith birthday. I started becoming a Polytheist and acknowledging the Gods on the 2008 Equinox. It is Morrigan and I’s birthday, the so-much-sacred anniversary of our first encounter on the 2009 Equinox.  It is also the date of my first apprentice and priestess step, the anniversary of the opening of my sacred online sanctuary to the Morrigan. It is also a date of death and rebirth, where I found myself strongly sick (auto-immune disease) in 2011 and started my dark night of the soul (became an atheist back for 8 months). Anniversary of my coming back from the dead to life in 2012, after my shamanic initiation and rebirth from the physical disease (and depression).

And this year’s end (in sacred terms, Lughnasad and the Equinox being the last two festivals), it has been very  quick and brutal. I have had an literal white hole from July to August, after my body broke down again (from stress and the brutal ending of my university years and my thesis), and my spirituality was also a blank page since I had been focusing on only my work (I had only the strength to do one thing, and it had to be my degree). The end of the year and my defense literally blew my Self apart. It was the most intense fight of my life, fighting for my self and recognition of my work, fighting against my shattered psyche, Morrigan as watching, and pushing me in her own disturbing way : pushing me from afar without actually applying any pressure, just looking at me and making me understand that I had to take action. After that climax, the culmination of many years of battle, I needed a break. I tried vacations, I tried letting everything go, changing my mind etc. And most of all, resting, letting my body at peace, trying to recover, once again…

But the strangest thing is that during the month of July, there was this super intense astrological configuration (Star of David), and I started feeling the cogs of the machinery moving. My blank page became a page to actually write, and I kind of thought and made a wish… which took literal energy and form thanks to this weird opening in the Sky. I was at this hinge in my life, and without fully realizing the implications, I put the machinery into motion towards something very specific which I may not have been ready to take on. Anyway, I started realizing that these ideas of living a full spiritual life, and living spirituality “as a living”, may just not be wishful thinking. I have begun to discover that it is where I stand most centered and radiant. And then, my Spirits pushed me back, again, in the direction of my “Work”. Write write write. Divine divine divine. Everything came back and started taking shape. I had to give shape to those ideas, to start acting. And the machinery ran.

This Equinox is another transition and transformation, surely even more important that I have understood till now, and I also realized that when I thought I was disconnected from the Morrigan, and sad from being able to do so, She’s there, again. Is She my alpha and omega ? She was there at the start, will She be there when it ends ? Everything I’ve done since the end of August, now I can see She was there watching all along, and my new project is not only my life project, the project for my Spirits, but it is also fully linked to the Morrigan. She was there too, making me do it. Hail Morrigan, the great Warrior and Prophetess. I am just realizing how tenacious She is, how blind I am to always fear She’s gone. I started by opening the doors to the Gods and Spirits, and everything rushed through. I started with transformation. I started with Her. She’s much closer to me than I am used to think. She’s much closer to the group of “Spirits” I mention a lot, who guide me and ask of me. I am back to what I was at the beginning, and yet melding everything hints I’ve received till then (the writing, the book, the energetic drawings, seership, mediumship, death… but the project is just starting now)

I am a Door to the Otherworld, I am not from here but I am here nevertheless, I am at the Threshold. I’ve always been and yet rejected it. But I am learning, oh Gods, I assure you, I am learning to accept it. And just now, I can see this is how I relate most to the Morrigan. She’s my shadow…

This project is also going to be part of my path to the Morrigan then. Welcome to my Door, welcome on the Threshold.

It’s a work in progress, please be patient (a full website is coming). I’ve painted it red for now, for Her, but the design will change.

The Nature Of The Future

This is one of the most mind-blowing things I’ve read thus far. It really struck my heart and soul, and it won’t leave me; it’s still ringing with the intensity of the first discovery and truth. I don’t think I’ve read something this simple and yet this profound, and so alike my experiences. Sea’, you just haev to keep writing.

In the end this is what I had to understand about prophecy: the future is not written in stone, but water. It shifts like a tide but it flows in the one direction it is most natural for it to run. It can be, at the same time, fluid and unavoidable. Yet what it really matters it is not the endgame, but the process to get there. The present is what truly transforms you and that, you can’t predict or control. That, you can always and only to choose.

To put things in context

The Art of Prophecy

The Roots of Prophecy

There once was a cave spider which lived its entire life in total darkness. It evolved to be entirely blind. It wove a gigantic web and then sat waiting patiently in the center. The slightest touch anywhere on this huge web tells the spider everything.  The spider knows if the vibration is a gust of wind from the surface, or a drop of water from the cave wall or a hapless insect.  Thus it is with those we call prophets.

The universe stretches out like a vast web, stretches through space time with an infinite number of connections. The web is concrete in the past, in flux in the present and only a mist of potentialities in the future.  The prophet though, like the spider, can see the interlocking chain of events and predict where the lines of events will lie. It is not magic.  It is simply an understanding of interwoven connections.

☯ Samsaran ☯

Found at Tiger Mind.