Queenship and Stewarship

I have just found a document which has nothing to do with queenship, and yet one of the first quotation just seemed to explain a lot of the work ! For all those who look for hints and info, ponder this :

Establishing nature’s worth in and of itself has implications for our use and treatment of it. In aword, these implications are stewardship. Merriam-Webster defines stewardship as “the careful andresponsible management of something entrusted to one’s care.” This is a relatively passive definition, however; it doesn’t speak to the more active responsibilities of the steward when the thing entrusted toher is under threat, which is so often true in Tolkien’s literary world. In light of this, a Tolkieniandefinition for stewardship might be “faithful and discerning action on behalf of a beloved landscapeand/or community.” Stewards are responsible to take action for the protection, not just themanagement, of what has been entrusted to them.

Please don’t hesitate to go to the direct source, which I am going to explore when I get the time : Richard Goetsch on Academia.

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Why No One Can Teach What Queenship Is

Disclaimer : I’m not expert in this matter ; I’m struggling as anyone else is. Just sharing thoughts and insights.

So, why nobody can teach what queenship is ?

My answer will be short and simple… might be disappointing.

No one can tell you because it’s a Mystery.

I try to gather pieces here and there, to corroborate what I’ve felt and experienced, but it’s the only paradigm that I have found till here which works. Each path to queenship is unique, like here queen is, or each priestess. But I feel that it is even more intrinsic than other paths (except godspousery). First, to me queenship requires an election, a calling. But if I say it is unique and non fathomable, that is because it is… weaved in the fibers of our being and soul, I would say. Like threads, of energies, of wyrd, of soul… Intricate, I’m not sure. And the reason no one shares about it on blogs or else, is that it both so intimate, the depth of one’s path and soul, and subject to the law of silence – because Mysteries cannot be told, theoritically (adverb for the skeptic ones).

And that’s it.

November is the cruellest month…

Note : Reference to T.S.Eliot, The Waste Land : “April is the cruellest month…”

November begins with Samhain for the Celts, Winter Nights in the Ancient Norse Culture. It’s both the closing of one year and the opening of another, marking the transition of the seasons. It inspires me so much things that no article could allow me to clear my mind and write about it.

Last year I was touched by an intense sickness that changed me on all levels – and my life completely too. (In fact it even resulted into two diseases, which doubled the intensity of the process and evolution) I had got hints during this long journey, many many times, but now…. now I am arriving at the end, I can feel it, and it is very weird. Now I know, I’ll never be the same anymore. The Journey was long and multifold. I underwent a deep and numerous series of initiations which also changed me forever, for it brought both experiences and knowledge that can’t be put away and alter one’s comprehension and relation to everything. Despite this blog for example, and my constant efforts at giving hints at my path, I’ve been forced to dive into Silence. Taboo of the spirits, and holy silence, about and around the mysteries. It is impossible to make a final account of all this, it is way too huge, as it was almost too huge for me to experience.

It broke me apart actually. Last year I died – several times. I killed my soul, poisoned my body, and the spirits took the ultimate resources they had to help me once and for all : they used violence and harsh means. They struck me, abandoned me, cut me down and off…. and when they were back, after having put me in the gentle hands of the Morrigan and Dionysos to give me some strength and initiate me further, they broke me down again. They didn’t let me rest until I was down on my knees in front of my bed crying and screaming because I was lost, because the truth hurts. They put it all on me and brought me to the edge letting me no choice : tell yourself you’re crazy and let your soul die, or grow the fuck up and deal with it…. if you don’t want to live oh that’s fine, but don’t lie about it, don’t hide it, choose it properly (don’t poison yourself). But if you want to live, if you have enough self-respect, then accept what we show you and what you are. So yes, I died, several times. But the Spirits also put the pieces back together, several times. They healed me, they sew me back, my body, my limbs… and my soul. They bore me in their belly for a year, and brought me to the world again.

It’s been a little more than a year now, a year and one month or two, since it began. And I just begin to realise, like, really see and integrate how huge it was. Fate put on my path signs to reveal more, the depth of it. Coincidence that it ended with a long trip to the American continent exactly at this aniversary date ? A sort of pilgrimage… To what ? To my soul I think, partly. A kind of parenthesis between the worlds – again. A breach through the healing process. A new phase of silence from the spirits and gods…. to find myself back, to have time for myself, to allow me things… to take time, to observe. One page of my life (or many!) seems to be closing, and yet everything is new. Everything begins. And what more was I needing to realise, when it strangely closes at this pivotal moment of Winter Nights ?

Yeah… I think Spirits love to teach us and insist on some things. It’s just another way to say “yes, it’s all about death, again“. Death is my arriving point. And even if I am just back, I’ll have to resume the work. After such a trial, I’ll have to do the holy celebration and honor the dead, mostly my ancestors. What better way and moment to do this, after such a journey of mine ? Because it is obvious that my ancestors were around me all along the way even when I felt alone… And after having changed so much, I need time for myself and I have to accept it without feeling guilty. I need loneliness, quiet, and a hearth and / or home. And where is my home if not among my Ancestors and in the House of the Dead ? It is so clear now… and this sign is too big. I’ve come Home.

“November is the cruellest month”, because it collects the aniversaries of the death of my closest family members, plus my first beloved cat which was hit long ago by a car. It marked my youth, both these deaths themselves and the fact that they were added to this month magnetically. I’ve always wondered even back then if Fate was trying to tell something. And it did… I just refused it till the first day, the first death. As for now, it is so meaningful and awe-inspiring that this new sacred year coincides with my personal trial year, and starts with a serious aniversary month, which I will then celebrate all the more intensely since my practice is being re-centered around the Dead and Ancestors. It is a pretty significant opening after a year of harsh initiations and for a new year of empowerment to which I engage. It is obvious that I have to plan and involve to find my personal roots and the roots of my spiritual power, as I have begun to do. To continue the work I have been asked, and find who I am. This means a lot of work of course… but actually, for once, I am not scared. No I am rather really glad…. and at peace.

I might do a month of “virtual silence” for the occasion… if I manage ! Or maybe a series of shots around this topic ? I also realise that I have to take back my drafts of a personal holy calendar… (By the way Ryan, you really inspired me with yours !)