Freyja’s Friday (2): “Pharmakôn”, Of the Nature of Gift

 

A Greek title must feel weird, but I have find no other term to replace it. For it is the right term, and the term that I learned this idea. And what idea is that? – “pharmakôn”, both the remedy and the poison.

It appeared suddenly to me in the shower this morning, while I was pondering of the notion of “gift”, giving, present. For Freyja’s has been adorable, sweet and caring. She has taught me much, and in a moment of great distress, she took what she could find to offer to me as a structure that could support me in order not to collapse. It felt wonderful I must say, one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. She gave me someone. A someone that could alleviate my worries, my pains, my sorrows. A someone that would take care of me, make me take care of myself also, that would love me so much… It was complete bliss after a year of darkness.

We had no plans, we lived fully, enjoyed every bit of it together. We just wanted to be together and commune. I supposed we were not “supposed to” stay together. For he arrived just before I had to move abroad. We did not want to split up, but something in us was so in disbelief that we could manage the distance. Again, we had no plans. We let things happen. We stuck, despite the 6 hours lapse, despite the absolute tearing apart that distance began to create for our relationship that was highly based on the 5 senses and communion in the present moment. We thought we would do our best. We had no plans to split, but yes, it was hard. We wanted to hold up and wait, we wanted to fight until the very end when it would be unbearable and we had no choice anylonger.

Then the gift turned bitter. I was yearning for the effects of the gift, for what “was before”, but we couldn’t have it. I tried to make sense of it but then I turned bitter. Why had the Goddess gave me something so incredible before I was to lose it? Why did she give me a present that my team seem to disapprove of? Why have such a wonderful gift, if I have to choose between him and my whole spirit family? How does it make sense?

Then, this morning, in the shower, that thought. “Gift”. Giving. And suddenly, that word, pronounced through the ages, hearing it pronounced with the voice of one of my former literary and Greek teacher. A lesson given from the Ancestors then, transmitted through occidental culture. Pharmakôn is both the remedy and the poison. Could that be the case in my story then? Can a gift stay a gift, or does a gift always turns sour after a time? Or depending on how you use it?

I wondered about the Goddess. About so many things. What would be the equivalent of pharmakôn in the Norse frame? Freyja is also a Goddess of fertility and of the land, Vanaheim sister. I thought of Fehu, Uruz… and Gebo. Can Gebo become poisonous? I had never asked myself that question in those terms. I remembered that abundance is a flux, it has to circulate, to flow. Can Gebo be just the same way, influx? Did we choke the gift? Stayed to close to it, shutting ourselves from the world? Or was the gift supposed to be temporary? Maybe we should have planted a seed, in order to regenerate something? Or be able to gather the fruit and nourish what we had ourselves?

I don’t know. I wish I did. I assume it would make sense and explain “everything”, giving me perspective. If it was given to me, then I must honor it and reflect on it, understand it. I may have been a lesson for me to learn.

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Let’s Try Something: Freyja’s Friday (1)

So I’m late, it’s already the night, but I had promised myself I would try this today, it’s been a week already since I postoned…. so at least I’ll introduce the idea anyway.

It’s been on my mind for quite some time now. Freyja is an already well known Goddess, she doesn’t look like she’s having trouble having devotees, lovers, etc compared to some others. But I… I don’t know. I have felt an urge to write about Her, to share the love, even though I’m a nobody somewhere on the Internet, lost into the ocean of blogs. I don’t have the hubris of wanting, even hoping, to write some “Freyja’s Lovenotes”, which are so needed into the world. But, at least I wish to to talk about the sweetness of her lessons, the so well known pieces of advice on self-esteem and selfcare – but, you know, those which are so hard to follow nevertheless? If I have time, if I feel comfortable about it, I could also talk about magic teachings and Valkyrie initiations, among others, because She has a lot to teach, a lof of skills and domains. But I am unsure I’ll be able, might be to intimate. What’s very strange… is that the lessons on body, self-care, care of the mind, one’s esteem etc, are actually very difficult tasks; also, things that would put me into an uncomfortable position as it would expose some of my vulnerabilities…. But, strangely, I am directed to write about that.

I don’t feel strong enough and confident enough to do a whole month, like a “Month for Freyja” kind of thing (even if that would be awesome that everybody shared!), but I wish to propose bit by bit of Freyja’s fragments. Which would, always, be posted on Friday, even though not necessarily every Friday. It would feel easier than the huuuugggeee article I had kept as a draft (seriously) for months, maybe even a year now, which is so intimitating that I never wrote it.

For this first, introductory post, I will state something that always makes me wonder: Freyja has a strange feeling of “home” about her.

Maybe that is something that is solely linked to me, what I am, what I need, and what Face she chooses to show me, how she behaves with me. But, she has this intense, very intense totally quiet quality. Don’t get me wrong, I have worked with the very silent Sigyn, and with the all the more so silent Meretseger, Watcher of the Dead and Queen of silence! What she radiates is different. Sigyn is tough, resilient, enduring, quiet…. but still living. Freyja, when she comes to me in a none war-like aspect, or Vanaheim-glamoury-person aspect, is completely calm. It’s not only that she is silent, it is the aura of peace that she transpires. Something that is incredibly agreeble. So, I have this terrible attraction for finding her back at the end of the day, and even though I’m working home a lot, I still get this feeling of “coming home”. Does that make sense? I wonder if other people get the some impression. She’s my refuge. I come to her for soothing and peace. I’m glad she has accepted to stay around.

So here we go! I did it. I’ll try to do more, not be shy about, and stop blocking myself.

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The Coming of Imbolc

A few words for Imbolc.

Valiel sur la Voie des Dieux

Aoife Ní Fhearraigh – Gabhaim Molta Bríghde (I Give Praise to Saint Brigid). A beautiful song sung in Irish by Aoife Ní Fhearraigh which gives praise to Saint Brigid of Kildare, one of the three patron saints of Ireland. The lyrics are below, along with the phonetic and English translation. Bain sult a chairde !”


Morpheus Ravenna a partagé cette chanson irlandaise que je trouve, hum, planante, porteuse, apaisante, et en même temps il y a un je ne sais quoi d’amer… Une introduction pour quelques pensées fragmentaires sur la période que nous traversons. Alors oui, c’est en anglais, tandis que ce blog est censé être uniquement en français…. tant pis. Ils viennent toujours ainsi. Je me suis demandée, mais c’était soit ça soit rien, alors bon.

***

Impressions.
Shapes.
Patterns.
Light.

Drops of blood on a coat of snow
An icy pool of water reflecting the blue gray…

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A Call for Submissions -An Anthology on the Hard and Fallow Times

I really don’t have a lot of followers here, but I wish to spread the word anyway. This anthology could be really useful and inspiring.

Sarenth Odinsson's Blog

Book Proposal

Type of Book: Anthology

Working Title Proposals: The Rough Road and the Fallow Field: Navigating the Hard Times

Going Through the Fallow Times

An anthology primarily of essays, personal experiences, meditations, theological writing, and other works exploring the fallow times in an animist and/or polytheist’s life, where the Gods, Ancestors, and spirits may be distant, silent, or in times of transition requiring separation. This anthology will also explore how to move through these times, how those who have little to no regular or peak spiritual experiences work through the fallow times, and what practices can sustain an animist and/or polytheist through them.

Word Length: Word Length: 800 words minimum for essays. Long essays welcome and encouraged. Prayers, poetry, rituals, and other explorations of the subject will also be accepted.  Please submit with no specialized fonts, in .doc, .docx, or .rtf file format.

Contributors will not be paid for…

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Love Notes from Freya, 5/30/15

Silver and Gold

It is not your job to be in control of the universe and everything in it. That is not your job. Your job is to live in this universe to the fullest extent of your capabilities–to live, to love, to laugh, and to pass your joy for life and knowledge of the world on to the next generation. That is your job. Don’t you think that’s enough for one human being to handle? With tenderness, Love, Freya.

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