The Day I became Polytheist

It has been years now, almost 4 years or more, that I have been polytheist. In my spiritual life and quest I have grown into a polytheist, then a “hard polytheist”, and been born to my faith many many times, each time deeper.

But yesterday,was different. Thursday April 28, I was born as if for the first time as a pagan polytheist. Because yesterday I made the most significant step of my progressive coming out : I discussed publically of my faith, in a public place, with people I’ve known only for a year (my partner’s closest friends) and “confess” that I’m a polytheist. And by the way they are catholic, maybe even fervent catholic I don’t really know. I feel very weird that the bomb didn’t explode, that they did not faint or run away, or burn me on a stake. They are intelligent, sensible people and yet I was surprise by their very acute, intelligent questions.

– I feel relieved, I feel free.

For the first time in all my attemps, I took entire responsability, I made them pronounce the word for me and yet it was the most direct conversation I had on this topic: accepting to tell, to say that I believe in God, in many Gods, even in all the Gods ; I said yes for the Greek pantheon, I said yes when they said Thor and Odin… (damn’ and the movie’s just been out) – And I’m still alive ! I feel weird but I don’t feel ashamed.

Synchronicities are just perfect. I just saw very quickly checking my messages “Pagan Coming Out Day”, I saw Sannion’d written an article about the closet… but didn’t have time to read, I just had wonders and the idea on my mind… and then this particular night, this dinner at the restaurant, where we comically evoked Pre-colombian Gods, and then raised the fatal question : what do I believe in ? That was it. I thought about this label I hadn’t time to identify (PCOD), and inside a very second I decided to tell the truth, to stop hiding. And Gosh I feel… so intensely great! I think it was the last time I would stay quiet and miserable, removed from society and such topics of conversation. I finally feel totally ‘clean’ with my partner, who’s an absolute now believer. Now I don’t feel like I’m keeping things from him, and there won’t be no drama scene when I move in with all my practice stuff. Now I’m going to live my life fully and wholly integrate my spirituality. No shame of what I am, only confidence in life and the Gods. No more books hiding, or lies about what my shrine is… No more.

And I feel thankful to the Gods, I feel blessed to be a polytheist.

I wish your Pagan Coming Out Day will feel as great as mine.

http://www.paganprincesses.com/may-2nd-is-international-pagan-coming-out-day/
http://amethjera.blogspot.com/2011/04/few-personal-thoughts-on-national-pagan.html
http://thehouseofvines.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/closets-are-for-clothes/
http://www.thorncoyle.com/2011/04/why-come-out-for-tempest-smith/
http://thehouseofvines.wordpress.com/2011/04/29/in-honor-of-pagan-coming-out-day-my-story/

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Hail Dionysos !

I heard you !

For now I know. After… let me see, six or seven months, I now got a flash of light. I understand why he’s here ! And I know that he definitely is here, I only wasn’t able to see. Things are suddenly all so clear, and it looks weird than even two months before I hadn’t got any clue ! If I try to make short my overwhelming thoughts of the moment, here it goes :

Why Dionysos came

First, the most evident thing I couldn’t see, is that Dionysos is the changing and multiple God by excellence – they all are in a way, except for Gods of constancy and stability, but he’s the very incarnation and principle.  And so he is the God of the unexpected : unexpected words, situations, events… and places. He seems to have this disturbing quality of being constantly where and what you wouldn’t expect. And indeed, I didn’t expect his coming at all, not even talking about a lasting presence and his help !

I had some intuitions about the second reason but was totally unable to formulate it in my consciousness until I caught a clue thanks to someone following Sannion’s blog. I read a piece this person wrote for either the introduction or the appendix of Sannion’s new coming book, and I found this idea : Dionysos as a liminal God, and a God of transition and passage. And Hell yes he is!  I thought it was more relevant to Hermes, and yet I found it particularly enlightening, illustrating perfectly my own experience. It has to do with one’s personal crisis and in-between states. If you go out of your way, it seems that Dionysos will definitely be there, to help you through the passage toward the next stage. He will give you insights, very intense revelations, to foster the transition. At least he was for me, and he keeps being just beside my path, following me, being my “garde-fou” : if I lose myself, he’s there and he guides me with overwhelming accuracy. He helped me dealing with many of my deepest issues of the moment : spiritual duties, the dead, transe & shamanism, music…. and I even think he’s also there to help me in my very personal life, the development of my self, personality, and potential : being able to accept what others can’t, stepping up for my self, healing my self and voice…

The third reason that came, and which is the most amazing to me, is that he seems to correspond exactly to my ‘medicine’, my very personal essential spiritual ‘quality’ (and duties). It has to do with what I experienced myself as I said, empowerment and personality, but also with the Dead, which I’m going to develop just after.

Because that’s my second part, the most striking revelation of these days :

Dionysos is Morrigan’s cousin, that’s why he came and helped me in my relationship with her

It’s so obvious now, they are so alike (not the same, but alike).

First, the most arguable part, my very personal feeling is the following : I experienced a face of Dionysos which is exactly like that of Morrigan (and which surprised me compared to his wild “reputation”) : he has a very intense character, which is very calm, quiet (silence) and direct. He is a “piercing” God, not speaking much, but telling things bluntly and showing them with an almost painful lucidity, as is Morrigan (Goddess of prophecy and truth). I never thought I could have such a calm relationship to him, he was totally placid & lucid, everything was too obvious. He is a bringer of light in darkness, of intense revelation, which is exactly what Morrigan is. And yet, like her, he is absolutely remote, distant in his relatioship (to me at least).

But let’s see the deepest connexions, the resemblances. Morrigan and Dionysos are both apart from the rest of the World and Gods for me. They share this quality that all chthonian Gods have, Gods of the World Below (like Hel, Hades, Persephone etc). They are not like other Gods and living creatures, and so they do not live in the same places. They have specific places like the lower world(s), and the liminal places (as told).  On the one hand, as being Gods of the Great Below, they “rule” over life and death, the principle of life even when it’s hidden, and over the dead people. It never struck me before, it was really out my mind’s possibilities, but since the beginning Dionysos presented himself to me as a dark God (dark energy and literaly dark face). I think it was the mask of the Lord of the Dead (and repressed impulses), and that’s why I didn’t recognised him at first since I wasn’t aware of this aspect. – So it is that it’s precisely what I have to work on both for my polytheist and shamanic path. – On the other hand, if they are Gods of the Great Below, set apart, it’s because they embody all the impulses that are judged to be dark and/or scary, and thus rejected. Morrigan is more on the side of the inconscious, what we don’t see, where Dionysos is more along the line of what we deliberately reject (the non-normal, the marginal etc). That’s what we can put under his label “god of the wild“. So both are set apart because related to what we don’t want to see and deal with (either consciously or not). And along with the cycle of life and death, the underworld, it grants them a very profond quality of mystery, both in the common and literal sense (spiritual mystery, initiation). Furthermore (!) they have the same link to masks and illusions. They both appeared to me as masked Gods : Morrigan with the faceless Goddess with a hole face, a blank face, so a masked face (to conceive either the emptiness or her true face) ; Dionysos as the dark-faced God, God of the wild and mystery. He truly appeared as a God of Shadow and Earth, in its really material aspect, the soil, the dirt. For which aspect I tend to call him “the God of unease” (exactly like the essence of Morrigan).

So he was not just here for a month or two. I guess he’s concerned by a long-term transition, and even more : for all that I have mentioned, I think he’s a long-term guide. He corresponds to many of my deepest interest fields (my medicine), and so he’ll be precisely what I’ll need along the way.

I hope it will be clear for others, since it really is the object of my currently reflexions. It’s huge for me, I wonder if anybody worked on such aspects before. As usual, feel free to share with anybody you know who could be interested.

the God of the unexpected.

Spirits are always right

– It’s just that we misinterpret.

A very controversial sentence indeed, but on purpose, to make people think about it. Spirits and Gods sometimes fool us, we know that, either just to be “mean” or to test us. But most of the time, when they send you a vision, a message, I think it’s true.

At least for myself it has always been true since the very beginning. And I thought about an experience that I had “forgotten” for 6 months : a shapeshifting with the ant, that I supposed was of no “importance”, or not a message sent on purpose at least. Yet it came at a very crucial moment : my retirement from the internet and the city, during the summer holiday, my annual trip when I can disappear into nature and contemplation. I was thus pondering on the past year and my struggling with the Gods, with my path. In the afternoon under the sun, in the sand of the garden, I was wondering if I had the strength and guts to take a spiritual “charge”/function as I looked for (and was shown to me) when I made this very short but intense experience : I made a short “trip” into the life of an ant (shapeshifting). Considering my little tiny size and the huge size of the entreprise (the public charge), I felt ridicule and unappropriate, I even thought my ego had won over me. So I decided to take this as a sign of the need to work in the shadow, to learn humility.

But in August when I came back and talked to Sannion, he offered me a different perspective – which revealed itself to me true one month ago :

The ant is indeed a small and humble creature – but that’s not what truly stands out about them, or at least didn’t for the ancients. The ant devotes its whole life, its whole being to its work. It has no interests, no social ties outside of the work that it does. Continually it’s storing up food, building tunnels, etc. while the other insects play. Maybe what the vision is indicating is that that is likewise the path of priesthood you should pursue, a path of service and dedication.

I guess it was not just a random experience, it was really a test and message from the Spirits and Gods, and I misinterpreted it for 6 months. So what ? They came back rushing onto me (see the previous article) in order to show me directly this time without possible errror. Sannion, my friend, you were right from the beginning. The ant is a metaphor of my spiritual life to come, a very hard life of complete service and devotion, of charges and responsabilities, because they chose so, and because I have the abilities.

When Gods and Spirits “bully” you

Yeah, because there are hard times when you think they push you too much and too hard. – That’s what I went through for the past week . And gosh, it seemed long !

The fact is that, most of the times, the more you work and open yourself, the more the Gods and Spirits rush through. Since I didn’t only want to be a devotee, but wanted to “experience” deities, and somehow uttered the wish of listening to them (and serve), they got me literally. They took me at my words. So on the way, I felt more and more indeed, I was able to hear them and respond. But what I hadn’t seen coming, is that it went quicker than I planned, was more efficient !

There are times, rare times but still more frequent than for most people, when I am totally open. What does that mean ? It means that any entity that passes by can come and communicate with and through me. Dead peole, Gods, Spirits, and the like. The difficulty is when they come and speak all together at the same time. Yes, it’s possible. Even if it’s only one powerful deity or spirit that possess you fully it can be disturbing. The thing is that you go through the great danger (peril?) of losing yourself : you really can go mad. You can lose the sense of what is real and what is not, what is there and what is not, of who you are, what you’re capable of and so on.

What happens is that you benefit for a short period of the subtle and perfect view of the Spirit(s) and/or God(s). It is not human, it is different and “higher” in a way. That’s is why it is so hard to grasp. When the Gods and Spirits are too close to you, or too present in your open mind, you can lose your self, literally, your ego. You see most of the times with their eyes, but still a little with yours, which produces a very disturbing dephasing effect. It seems inappropriate, impossible, crazy… It sets you apart from people, from things, from the world.

When you are the type of person who commits himself for real, to the Spirits and Gods, you are likely to be answered. The Gods and Spirits show you what you look for, sometimes even more what you should look for. And in such cases of “full opening”, when they all show you things you seemingly did not ask, it’s harsh for you. It feel as if the Gods and Spirits are forcing you things you don’t want to, you didn’t ask for, as if they are bullying you. In fact it is only an impression most of the time, due to the fact that they are so close (or “up there” in your mind) that you can’t see clearly. – Plus the fact you often forgot that you committed and asked.

The thing is that it’s hard anyway for anyone to endure. And often, we lose control progressively without realising it we tend to “elevate” ourselves from the soil since we are turned towards subtile vibrations, thoughts, and visions (which is more linked to air and ether). So as I figured out, help by Sarenth in the process, the best thing in such cases, with the fright, the doubts, and the like, it to shut up. I mean, use whatever means you can to detach yourself from all of it, any feelings you have. For this use silence (not writing, not talking), and make grounding exercice. It will help you detach from the situation, but also from what is put into your head by the Gods and Spirits, and finally, it’s also a way to detach from your “lost”, doubting self so as to find your way back in the end. Be patient, wait for the moment when the tempest cools down and allows you to see.

Morrigan’s Sanctuary

I wish there were here some people who can read french, at least a little.

I present here to you a personal project which did not came from my mind, but directly from Morrigan Herself. One night as I was surfing on the Internet, She “rode” me as I think one says : She possessed my spirit/mind and made me create this Sanctuary which was to be a public place of devotion. It is more complicated, because it’s also a personal thing : this is Mabon and I chose to engage deeply to Her as She asked me one year ago (see the article “Inside the Cave”), so this Sanctuary is also planned to host my personal experiences as Morrigan’s follower, my studies, … and so on. But I/She wanted it to be public : to people to get to know her, but also a place to collect information, to share studies, articles, ressources, devotions, … So people are encouraged to send their personal testimonies, articles, drawings, poems, links, …

http://lantredemorrigan.wordpress.com/

This is huge for me, this marks a very important and deep step in my spirituality. I wish I could share it with you.

The return of the Greek Gods ?

What the f…? First Dionysos comes back into my life, and then many other Greek Gods!

– I heard and dreamt about Morpheus… Maybe because I have sleep troubles.

– And above all, I feel something very deep about Persephone. I have an history with her, as I did with Dionysos, Artemis, Athena and some other Gods. It’s strange because she’s always reassured me, make feel peaceful, soothe my stress… And I had a friend who was just so like her. And today, for a little more than a week, She’s back : a close pagan friend of mine is being looking after by this Goddess and so she makes a lot of research and shares them with me. As I read, I remember myself, past relations with Her, … And I’m bewildered : I know her very well, I’ve read much stuff, and yet I never thought of her, of looking for her help whereas She is just what I need. I have family trouble to make it short, the classic problem of distanciation between mother and daughter, personality problems, fusion, adulthood and so on. Why ? Why didn’t I think about it ? Damn’… and now there She is. I can’t feel her like I did with Dionysos. But I know, intellectually, that She can be the very proper help.

And now I wonder… why are all these Greek Gods coming out of nowhere in my life ? I knew my sensibility is so that this pantheon was “mine”, but I didn’t expected so concrete experiences, and not all at once. I guess Artemis, my adolescence patron Goddess, is waiting in the shadow for her own time to come…