Autumn Equinox, Back to Basics

A few words, after so many months of silence on my personal work.

The Equinox has been really harsh on me, physically and energetically. I’ve been sick, and off, and weird, and full of fears. I have just realized how much it means to me, this new transformation, my ultime landmark because it is the sacred date where everything took place. “Mabon” is my faith birthday. I started becoming a Polytheist and acknowledging the Gods on the 2008 Equinox. It is Morrigan and I’s birthday, the so-much-sacred anniversary of our first encounter on the 2009 Equinox.  It is also the date of my first apprentice and priestess step, the anniversary of the opening of my sacred online sanctuary to the Morrigan. It is also a date of death and rebirth, where I found myself strongly sick (auto-immune disease) in 2011 and started my dark night of the soul (became an atheist back for 8 months). Anniversary of my coming back from the dead to life in 2012, after my shamanic initiation and rebirth from the physical disease (and depression).

And this year’s end (in sacred terms, Lughnasad and the Equinox being the last two festivals), it has been very  quick and brutal. I have had an literal white hole from July to August, after my body broke down again (from stress and the brutal ending of my university years and my thesis), and my spirituality was also a blank page since I had been focusing on only my work (I had only the strength to do one thing, and it had to be my degree). The end of the year and my defense literally blew my Self apart. It was the most intense fight of my life, fighting for my self and recognition of my work, fighting against my shattered psyche, Morrigan as watching, and pushing me in her own disturbing way : pushing me from afar without actually applying any pressure, just looking at me and making me understand that I had to take action. After that climax, the culmination of many years of battle, I needed a break. I tried vacations, I tried letting everything go, changing my mind etc. And most of all, resting, letting my body at peace, trying to recover, once again…

But the strangest thing is that during the month of July, there was this super intense astrological configuration (Star of David), and I started feeling the cogs of the machinery moving. My blank page became a page to actually write, and I kind of thought and made a wish… which took literal energy and form thanks to this weird opening in the Sky. I was at this hinge in my life, and without fully realizing the implications, I put the machinery into motion towards something very specific which I may not have been ready to take on. Anyway, I started realizing that these ideas of living a full spiritual life, and living spirituality “as a living”, may just not be wishful thinking. I have begun to discover that it is where I stand most centered and radiant. And then, my Spirits pushed me back, again, in the direction of my “Work”. Write write write. Divine divine divine. Everything came back and started taking shape. I had to give shape to those ideas, to start acting. And the machinery ran.

This Equinox is another transition and transformation, surely even more important that I have understood till now, and I also realized that when I thought I was disconnected from the Morrigan, and sad from being able to do so, She’s there, again. Is She my alpha and omega ? She was there at the start, will She be there when it ends ? Everything I’ve done since the end of August, now I can see She was there watching all along, and my new project is not only my life project, the project for my Spirits, but it is also fully linked to the Morrigan. She was there too, making me do it. Hail Morrigan, the great Warrior and Prophetess. I am just realizing how tenacious She is, how blind I am to always fear She’s gone. I started by opening the doors to the Gods and Spirits, and everything rushed through. I started with transformation. I started with Her. She’s much closer to me than I am used to think. She’s much closer to the group of “Spirits” I mention a lot, who guide me and ask of me. I am back to what I was at the beginning, and yet melding everything hints I’ve received till then (the writing, the book, the energetic drawings, seership, mediumship, death… but the project is just starting now)

I am a Door to the Otherworld, I am not from here but I am here nevertheless, I am at the Threshold. I’ve always been and yet rejected it. But I am learning, oh Gods, I assure you, I am learning to accept it. And just now, I can see this is how I relate most to the Morrigan. She’s my shadow…

This project is also going to be part of my path to the Morrigan then. Welcome to my Door, welcome on the Threshold.

It’s a work in progress, please be patient (a full website is coming). I’ve painted it red for now, for Her, but the design will change.

C for Communication

I wanted to participate to the circle of thought since last year, but it seemed I was never inspired to do anything, and not in time. So I dropped it. I wrote my own articles. But it may change with time, I may participate in a chaotic way. When I can. And so came a first post, unexpectedly. I’ve been pondering lately, with brand new experiences piling up, new debates on the sphere… What is divine communication, how does it work ? Nothing new under the sun I guess, but I wanted to just gather my own thoughts here.

Divine communication takes time and work 

I’ve always wondered how was organized the spirituality and practice of people who don’t hear things. Do they work a lot with their Gods ? In terms of hours when they do, and in terms of regularity ? I worked my ass off. I was an “atheist pagan”, and one day, following the signs, I decided to be Pascalian and have a test : I let myself a year, a full year of “suspension of disbelief” to see if the Gods existed and responded to my call. It was followed by six months of preparation (I had to wait until I entered a sort of pagan online class, more like resources). And they did. After 6 months, maybe even less, they responded. At first I felt nothing, nothing while speaking or praying, nothing when I did offerings. Really nothing. But one day, as I was lying outside on a bench, I had my first encounter with the old Gods : A Goddess made a step toward me and touched / activated my heart-chakra as I called her. I was so surprised that I couldn’t believe it. I observed myself and around me, I touched my body… but no there was nothing that could explain this sudden warmth and vibration inside of me. It was not summer yet, and it was the end of the day, it was rather cool. She had answered, and produced the only response I could accept : not an omen, not a sound, but a physical sensation. That was my sign, and from there I turned into a polytheist and never let go of them.

But I didn’t make it all in one day. Even this sign was really subtle, and I didn’t start having tons of them afterwards. I still continued doing offerings when I didn’t feel anything, and prayed. I was blind for so long. But then I started feeling the essence of the Gods : first it’s the intellectual understanding of who they are, meditations. I read others speaking about their relationships, on forums and blogs yes, the famous ones, etc etc. But for me, only then it turned into very small energetical hints. I still practiced “blindly” even though I knew they responded in their way. I was energy blind for a long time, but sometimes I could still get signs and omens from my Gods. Synchronicities and all. So yes, we “communicated”. I’ve put work into it, and all my heart.

So I wonder – was I “priviledged” as some people say ? Did I get a response because I have the “natural wire” ? Or was I just persistent enough ? I have no answer…. but I believe, or hope, that people just don’t work with enough heart sometimes, and mostly that they just don’t recognise the signs. I hope it won’t sound condescending, I really mean it in a positive way. I was a newby for long, it took me 5 years to get where I am now, and I still have many difficulties. I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t feel energy, I could not correctly look at the right omens etc. But now I do. And I think that people are rather “blind” to their own signs, as I will see below.

Divine communication is multiple and personal

To put it shortly :

  • it depends on each person
  • it depends on the Gods
  • it depends on your spiritual phase and energy
  • it depends on time
  • it depends on the nature of what you are looking at
  • it depends on your observations skills

First things firsts. When we talk of “communication”, we all think about conversation, because of the godphone metaphor. People have already talked about how it is highly different from conversation (like Del did here but I also found other posts here and there) but I want to stress that pattern. Everyone should just remember their own language and good sense : “communication” does not only mean verbal communication. Communication is wide. Communication is like an atom : it is a pattern, a movement, a back and forth. Waves. It can be energetic, it can be musical, it can be colors… anything that vibrates. Your body, physical sensations. Visions. Chakras. Etc.

It depends on each person. You have to experiment, and “know thyself” ! How do YOU work ? How does your brain work ? and your spiritual part ? Are you a visual or a kinetic person ? Auditory ? Or do you respond to smells better ? Yes, it depends on your observations skills. Observe. Observe, observe, observe, because the first trick is to know ourselves. And when you try to do that, you are actually in the right receptive mode : receptive to observe, but also, in fact, receptive to receive. That’s when the Gods will start getting at you, if they want. Because you’ll be in a position, I think, where you look at things for what they are. You’ll look at signs from the exterior, without doubt or certainty : the signs will be facts, and you’ll analyze them, and only then will you decide what to do of them.

It depends on the Gods of course. Each God will speak in very different modes, don’t expect them to speak in a specific way, otherwise you won’t get the signs they send you. It depends on the nature of what you are looking at: it took me time to get rid of expectations and observe how differently I worked depending on the Gods. Working with primal Gods helped me a lot for example. It taught me how to get rid of verbal language and make room for other languages. I worked with Jormungandr mainly, “He” is just different in any way. He helped me get in touch with my primal / animal side, and thus to feel things. It is how I work most of the time in fact, but I was not aware of it, and thus I was blocking it. He helped me feel, with my body, and my senses, and my “sensors”. Sometimes I got images, but everything with him was feeling through my senses. A taste in my mouth, a shudder on my skin, a physical sensation of the body. Another recent example is the Egyptian God Nefertum : he opened my olfactive sense. I have always been a very “sensual” person, and my sense of smell is developed, I got it from my mother. But until recently, I didn’t use it in my practice, and it just didn’t make “sense” (bad joke). They were just smells you know, they didn’t mean anything. But He came in, and I was assailed by smells ! They were sent my way non stop. And thus, I realized that smells vibrate just like colors, and that they can carry information, and thus make sense. Be a full language, and not only sensations. Now my work with Nefertum uses this bridge, and it can be used with other Gods.

It depends on your spiritual phase and energy + time. We should not forget that energies are by essence moving. Ours, and everything around us. Thus, we should not expect to be written in stone, like : I will always communicate with the Gods through vision, or I will always communicate with X Gods through hearing. Nope, that doesn’t work that way. We shift. It’s natural. It can be just temporary, or we can have very long phases of 10 years (for example), depending on what shifts : our persona, our brain, …. Sometimes we are not receptive in the same way, and so we have to adjust our conscience and our observation point. Contrary to the other Gods with whom I communicate through signs, synchronicities, visions, etc, The Morrigan is the Goddess to which I am totally wired. I can hear her, in many different ways. Either internal like telepathy, sometimes I guess with words. But she will just not communicate this way with me all the time. Depends on the phase of my development (and also depending on which aspect of herself she shows). Recently, she’s started to speak to me just like Jormungandr, through my body and my guts. It works like that with any God or Pantheon. Sometimes, we are not in the right “mood”, or energetical position to open the door to them. For a long time before a month ago, the Egyptian world was closed to me. I loved them, but it was intellectual and I got no response from them (except for one Goddess). But now I’m moved forward in my development, back to the body and the senses, or whatever. Anyway I had my “Egyptian break-through” ! Now the door is open, and I’ll be able to get there when i wish to or if they need to. And in months, I may not be able to see the door because my energies will be different, but I’ll just have to wait now the door is open. It evolves all the time.

Well, I think that’s pretty much all I had in mind.

EDIT : I should add as a conclusion that once you’ve started knowing yourself, how you work, and how your gods communicate, it will also help you find what your tools are ! No one needs to have everything on an altar, practice should be so personal and not necessarily material. What materials you need, and also how you work, what your offerings are, your ritual frames…

  • If you work through the sense of smell, think about what triggers you most : lively plants in jars ? dried plants ? Incense ? essential oils ? etc.
  • If you work through vision, find your own support or make them : tarot cards ? pictures ? drawing ? paintings ?
  • If you work through body sensations, practice sport. Martial art or chinese Qi Gong and Tai Chi are excellent to develop body consciousness. Or anything that works with you.
  • If it’s more “touch” than body, find cloths, woods, stones… textures than triggers you.

EDIT 2 : to complete this article, I found a post  on the language of omens.
EDIT 3 : a long summary about “godphone” and not, how / what you do, good articles etc. + an article that explains how to be cautious with signs and omens (even if I don’t necessarily agree about everything).
EDIT 4 : an excellent method to check your so called godphone

My services to the community

I am a searcher, and after several years, I can’t imagine my life without spiritual services.

It’s been in me since my childhood. People look at me as if I am not human because they know that most human ‘all of them for many) have a natural tendency to be mean and to detroy life, and yet, I often put other people even before myself, and I can’t but help anybody, anytime. My psychic faculties arose when I was 12. It was absolutely terrifying and yet exciting. I could do so many things, where did they came from ? I could read people’s faces, feelings, and minds. I could see things that were past, distant present, and future. I could sense so many things. I could hear voices of people that were not here, dead I guess. It turned badly only one year later, my best friend who was into the secret had psychologic issues and turned crazy for a time. So adults told us it was all wrong and false, “collective hallucination” or whatever. Even if for me it had all been real, I told myself it was dangerous and I stopped it all. But how can you tell to someone who Sees repeatedly, with acute precision, with no information, that it’s all false and impossible ? Years later it all blew in my face because I suppressed it and not chose to abandon it (I didn’t know the difference). And that was the trigger : I was just denying who I truly was. So I resumed my researchs, and decided to practice to master all those things. I have been astonished to see how hard it was for me to let it all flow up again, and to try to practice at will. In the course of my research, and I went from psychic and mental faculties to magic, to paganism… I turned polytheist. It was the first time I could link all of my deepest feelings, and that I could use these faculties for other people. And the notion of service comes back again at this point. I could not but try to help other people, young people or people new to their faculty, as it was the help I had lacked myself. It deepens with time actually.

The last article that Dver wrote just confirms it to me. It’s a huge choice in my life. It requires much time, and I have to delete some wishes on my list regularly (learning to sew, to sing, to play music etc). Moreover I have to continue to learn and discover things to understand what it truly means, and what I really am. What the use to lose time try things you’re not gifted for ? All the more so as you have a very full life. So I dropped tarot reading, I’m better at oracles, but not as good as with runes, or even better without any support. I’m good at seeing and “feeling” (things, the Gods and Spirits). So I dropped crystals and plants, I dropped withcraft and magic (well, I practice a little for myself, but I don’t do intense study anymore, it is not my thing). I also dropped the idea of opening an online store as so many people do – even though I found a project that is unique, but I have no time. No, I’m good at answering questions and getting people in touch with Gods, Spirits…. and themselves. I’m not so good at creating and crafting, even if I got something with drawing and painting lately, and I write even better. Frigg showed up in my life, and I could not understand the Matron of spinners and weavers since I suck at it. Now I understand it : she is here because she is a master Seeress and Prophetess, what I am. And she is here because I am a Weaver… but a Weaver of souls. I am here to guide people, to help as I can, not to overcross their freedom and their choices. To help them find themselves, be independant, do things themselves, and find the Gods and Spirits. I wanted to be a healer, since my early childhood I’ve craved to be a healer and if I hadn’t sucked so much in maths (because I have a crazy logic) I would have be a doctor even maybe a surgeon.  But it’s not what I am : I am no enchanteress, sorceress, old healing crone, no reiki thing…. No I am supposed to be a spiritual healer, a soul healer. And that’s good enough. That’s in fact very sutble… I don’t understand it all right now. I did not had the strength to begin the shaman path for that… my health did not allow me to travel or do any intense work. But I am working on it… And I will do my best to stick to what I am good at, and what I am supposed to be.

When I crossed the line of the internet a whole world opened to me. I didn’t not know people who believed in such things in my irl life. So now I had a way to fulfill my nature and help and serve others. The technical questions were quickly raised: how was I to do that? What community could I serve?  It then appeared to me that I had already begun online even though I didn’t see it, and so I pursued on this path. I don’t think I’ll do that forever (not all), but it is for the time being, since there are no real physical projects in the area (and I’m going to build them, it will take time). So I’m walking slowly towards priesthood and shamanic duty. For those who have the time (and the curiosity of courses), here is a summary of my sacred duty to the community:

  • last Autumn Equinox I opened a Temple to Morrigan, as she asked me too : “L’Antre de Morrigan“. I deliver “official” information (the texts), personal glosis, arts devoted to this Goddess, but also any resources and modern stuff (magazines etc), my personal path with her (rituals, photos, art, prayers etc), and oracles on New/Black Moon. Recently I also followed The Goddess’s wish to open a public board, for people to share their stories, answers questions, go to the virtual shrine, and participate to public rituals.
  • In the course of April, Belenos showed up as my Patron God and asked me too to build a shrine and temple. I discovered that in Gaul he was known as a prophetic God (my three patrons are prophetic gods, no wonder), and that oracles were done for him. So it appeared to be very natural that he asked for a public place and me to offer services in his name and honor. And I’ve only begun to build it in fact ! He showed me so many possibilities… “Le Sanctuaire de Belenos
  • I share my personal path with Khepry and Meretseger at “L’Autel du Desert” (aka, the shrine of/in the desert)
  • I may be sharing my personal path and research about Frigg who showed up recently.
  • With my very modest experience, I filled a huge lack of resources about runes: I created a focused board on the subject with a friend, and I opened online worshops that are very intense (eight months meditation).
  • I keep a global site too, a wordpress, which has been enlarged and displays: thoughts and reflections, articles, essays, calls for submissions, resources, meditations, … And I have a series of posts about personal spiritual development and topics that are rarely tackled (problem of patrons gods, of being too spiritually open, of comminucation with Gods, etc)
  • And when I have time, I propose to cast runes or do pure psychic sessions for people

It seems that google translator can offer a minimum translation for non-french speakers if you’re like to get a look at it.

Hail Dionysos !

I heard you !

For now I know. After… let me see, six or seven months, I now got a flash of light. I understand why he’s here ! And I know that he definitely is here, I only wasn’t able to see. Things are suddenly all so clear, and it looks weird than even two months before I hadn’t got any clue ! If I try to make short my overwhelming thoughts of the moment, here it goes :

Why Dionysos came

First, the most evident thing I couldn’t see, is that Dionysos is the changing and multiple God by excellence – they all are in a way, except for Gods of constancy and stability, but he’s the very incarnation and principle.  And so he is the God of the unexpected : unexpected words, situations, events… and places. He seems to have this disturbing quality of being constantly where and what you wouldn’t expect. And indeed, I didn’t expect his coming at all, not even talking about a lasting presence and his help !

I had some intuitions about the second reason but was totally unable to formulate it in my consciousness until I caught a clue thanks to someone following Sannion’s blog. I read a piece this person wrote for either the introduction or the appendix of Sannion’s new coming book, and I found this idea : Dionysos as a liminal God, and a God of transition and passage. And Hell yes he is!  I thought it was more relevant to Hermes, and yet I found it particularly enlightening, illustrating perfectly my own experience. It has to do with one’s personal crisis and in-between states. If you go out of your way, it seems that Dionysos will definitely be there, to help you through the passage toward the next stage. He will give you insights, very intense revelations, to foster the transition. At least he was for me, and he keeps being just beside my path, following me, being my “garde-fou” : if I lose myself, he’s there and he guides me with overwhelming accuracy. He helped me dealing with many of my deepest issues of the moment : spiritual duties, the dead, transe & shamanism, music…. and I even think he’s also there to help me in my very personal life, the development of my self, personality, and potential : being able to accept what others can’t, stepping up for my self, healing my self and voice…

The third reason that came, and which is the most amazing to me, is that he seems to correspond exactly to my ‘medicine’, my very personal essential spiritual ‘quality’ (and duties). It has to do with what I experienced myself as I said, empowerment and personality, but also with the Dead, which I’m going to develop just after.

Because that’s my second part, the most striking revelation of these days :

Dionysos is Morrigan’s cousin, that’s why he came and helped me in my relationship with her

It’s so obvious now, they are so alike (not the same, but alike).

First, the most arguable part, my very personal feeling is the following : I experienced a face of Dionysos which is exactly like that of Morrigan (and which surprised me compared to his wild “reputation”) : he has a very intense character, which is very calm, quiet (silence) and direct. He is a “piercing” God, not speaking much, but telling things bluntly and showing them with an almost painful lucidity, as is Morrigan (Goddess of prophecy and truth). I never thought I could have such a calm relationship to him, he was totally placid & lucid, everything was too obvious. He is a bringer of light in darkness, of intense revelation, which is exactly what Morrigan is. And yet, like her, he is absolutely remote, distant in his relatioship (to me at least).

But let’s see the deepest connexions, the resemblances. Morrigan and Dionysos are both apart from the rest of the World and Gods for me. They share this quality that all chthonian Gods have, Gods of the World Below (like Hel, Hades, Persephone etc). They are not like other Gods and living creatures, and so they do not live in the same places. They have specific places like the lower world(s), and the liminal places (as told).  On the one hand, as being Gods of the Great Below, they “rule” over life and death, the principle of life even when it’s hidden, and over the dead people. It never struck me before, it was really out my mind’s possibilities, but since the beginning Dionysos presented himself to me as a dark God (dark energy and literaly dark face). I think it was the mask of the Lord of the Dead (and repressed impulses), and that’s why I didn’t recognised him at first since I wasn’t aware of this aspect. – So it is that it’s precisely what I have to work on both for my polytheist and shamanic path. – On the other hand, if they are Gods of the Great Below, set apart, it’s because they embody all the impulses that are judged to be dark and/or scary, and thus rejected. Morrigan is more on the side of the inconscious, what we don’t see, where Dionysos is more along the line of what we deliberately reject (the non-normal, the marginal etc). That’s what we can put under his label “god of the wild“. So both are set apart because related to what we don’t want to see and deal with (either consciously or not). And along with the cycle of life and death, the underworld, it grants them a very profond quality of mystery, both in the common and literal sense (spiritual mystery, initiation). Furthermore (!) they have the same link to masks and illusions. They both appeared to me as masked Gods : Morrigan with the faceless Goddess with a hole face, a blank face, so a masked face (to conceive either the emptiness or her true face) ; Dionysos as the dark-faced God, God of the wild and mystery. He truly appeared as a God of Shadow and Earth, in its really material aspect, the soil, the dirt. For which aspect I tend to call him “the God of unease” (exactly like the essence of Morrigan).

So he was not just here for a month or two. I guess he’s concerned by a long-term transition, and even more : for all that I have mentioned, I think he’s a long-term guide. He corresponds to many of my deepest interest fields (my medicine), and so he’ll be precisely what I’ll need along the way.

I hope it will be clear for others, since it really is the object of my currently reflexions. It’s huge for me, I wonder if anybody worked on such aspects before. As usual, feel free to share with anybody you know who could be interested.

the God of the unexpected.

Prayers for Japan

I had to do something, I couldn’t bear standing there still with open mouth. After a week, the shock has passed, and I begin to come back to my senses. So I was finally able to take my pen and write a series of prayers. You can find one addressed to Morrigan on the Temple (the page can be translated in English through google) :

« Oh Morrigan, Great Queen of the Dead, be Thou with the Spirits of those who died but also with the Spirits of the dying ones. May Ye lift the veil of their fear and reveal that there is light among darkness. Help them regain their rightful place, be it among us or their ancestors, and make a safe passage. Show thy Face so that they don’t be afraid, welcome them with Thy comforting warmth, for Ye are the Great Mother. »

I’m going to write some to many other Gods, according to their field of “expertise” and what they can do. I’m totally into to spiritual and magic drawing since last summer, and I drew some powerful mandalas. So I’ll try to make new special ones for compassion, healing and growth. But for now I’m using those I already did :

Here in France some finally launch a wide initiative, a ritual to combine to the strong energies of Ostara, we’re gathering on Facebook.

First step towards Morrigan initiation

Here we are.

I couldn’t feel, I couldn’t practice, I was in doubt, maybe even shameful. I thought I was unable and unworthy of this so powerful Goddess, Morrigan. But after the trial, she showed me that she can have great patience and indulgence. She reassured me, showed me she trusts me. It’s a huge gift, it’s even more humbling than anything. It took me many signs to see, many crow messengers, sharing experience with other people, even, an oracle from Dionysos, but now I see very clearly. And I do not only see ; I took the part of action and experienced, faced her.

During a rather short ritual, a Full Moon ritual, I chose to express and show that I had acknowledge her message. And in order to be able to go on down the road to her, I wanted to purify myself. So did I, physically and spiritually… But then came the vision, the unexpected event, little event, but which has a depth I can’t share through words. I went through the first step of my initiation I guess. I learned many things, crucial “tools” to be her servant and work with her. She purified me herself, and tested me. So that I can learn to trust her blindfully, saving me from death ; plus I learned to handle my fear. It must not be rejected or suppressed. It must be there, integrated in your being, being one with yourself. And so did I, ‘accidentally’. It’s a weird state because on the one hand you can still feel you fear (but muffled), and on the other hand it creates peace and energy (ecstasy?) which drives you forward. It’s the strength of the Warrior. Maybe now I’m a Warrior of the Great Queen. I can feel it… I feel so humble she taught me those things, and affirmed to me that I’m worthy, that she trusts me.

The details can be seen on the Temple’s page.

Hard to keep it straight

After a tremendous beginning in my special worship of Morrigan, I encountered a “down” phase, which troubles me.

I know such thing happens, quite often maybe. But I was wishing I could avoid it. At first it disappointed me, but it then made me think : maybe it’s just a reminder that I’m only a human, and that I’ll remain one. It may also be because such intense work with the Gods need to be integrating, and for that one need an empty space (in the body, mind and spirit). So let’s call it a break. I need time to know what to do next, to strenghten the worship. But I think Morrigan understood something that I didn’t see coming : in fact I even need to develop my own polytheism. It’s my purpose, my wish, but I sort of let it go loose for the last past months, or at least, I explored quite randomly. I was very pleased to work with Dionysos, Diana, Artemis my old Guide, Persephone, Demeter, Meretseger (real help for my work with Death), and some others. It was good, but it lacked…. I don’t know, something like being grounded. So I settled down in my personal secular life in order not to be torn apart, and to get the proper serenity and stability. But this, as usual, often leads me to “stopping” my spiritual activities. It was a little scary, but I didn’t pay attention because it happened before, and I know that things move themselves and come back to normal later.

So during this period I tried to focus, to learn more about myself, my strenghs and weaknesses. I developped Qi Gong and Tai Chi practises which help me so much…. I’m working on feeling the energies of things (animals, humans, emotions, thoughts, pains, …) and do begin my apprenticeship in healing. At first I couldn’t see the point, but now I know I was right to do it and holding on : because now I begin feeling the energies involved in healing (my own, the others), and my hands feel better such things, I’m better at massage things, maybe I’ll be able to “manipulate” energies soon… I also settled the zen spirit of many of my practises (tea, drawing, contemplation), got back to my relationship with the runes, worked with animals and plants.

But after all this mess here I am, and now I’m back. Back to my polytheism. Ready to start over my worships with my gaulish pantheon. And that, Morrigan saw it coming long before me. Because Belenos went forth and present himself to me, and I think he has not left any second since. Today I realised that I have stuffs to do with Esus, starting praying and worshiping, but also starting a series of encounters (to know him), because He is the very right God I need for my works with the Underworld. As I realised reading Sarah Lawless. And so Morrigan may actually be respecting my own rhythm this time, and not pushing me… Just waiting for her own time to come. And I’m very glad about it. That we respect each other human or God, and work together as family. Damn’, I’m grateful.