When Gods and Spirits “bully” you

Yeah, because there are hard times when you think they push you too much and too hard. – That’s what I went through for the past week . And gosh, it seemed long !

The fact is that, most of the times, the more you work and open yourself, the more the Gods and Spirits rush through. Since I didn’t only want to be a devotee, but wanted to “experience” deities, and somehow uttered the wish of listening to them (and serve), they got me literally. They took me at my words. So on the way, I felt more and more indeed, I was able to hear them and respond. But what I hadn’t seen coming, is that it went quicker than I planned, was more efficient !

There are times, rare times but still more frequent than for most people, when I am totally open. What does that mean ? It means that any entity that passes by can come and communicate with and through me. Dead peole, Gods, Spirits, and the like. The difficulty is when they come and speak all together at the same time. Yes, it’s possible. Even if it’s only one powerful deity or spirit that possess you fully it can be disturbing. The thing is that you go through the great danger (peril?) of losing yourself : you really can go mad. You can lose the sense of what is real and what is not, what is there and what is not, of who you are, what you’re capable of and so on.

What happens is that you benefit for a short period of the subtle and perfect view of the Spirit(s) and/or God(s). It is not human, it is different and “higher” in a way. That’s is why it is so hard to grasp. When the Gods and Spirits are too close to you, or too present in your open mind, you can lose your self, literally, your ego. You see most of the times with their eyes, but still a little with yours, which produces a very disturbing dephasing effect. It seems inappropriate, impossible, crazy… It sets you apart from people, from things, from the world.

When you are the type of person who commits himself for real, to the Spirits and Gods, you are likely to be answered. The Gods and Spirits show you what you look for, sometimes even more what you should look for. And in such cases of “full opening”, when they all show you things you seemingly did not ask, it’s harsh for you. It feel as if the Gods and Spirits are forcing you things you don’t want to, you didn’t ask for, as if they are bullying you. In fact it is only an impression most of the time, due to the fact that they are so close (or “up there” in your mind) that you can’t see clearly. – Plus the fact you often forgot that you committed and asked.

The thing is that it’s hard anyway for anyone to endure. And often, we lose control progressively without realising it we tend to “elevate” ourselves from the soil since we are turned towards subtile vibrations, thoughts, and visions (which is more linked to air and ether). So as I figured out, help by Sarenth in the process, the best thing in such cases, with the fright, the doubts, and the like, it to shut up. I mean, use whatever means you can to detach yourself from all of it, any feelings you have. For this use silence (not writing, not talking), and make grounding exercice. It will help you detach from the situation, but also from what is put into your head by the Gods and Spirits, and finally, it’s also a way to detach from your “lost”, doubting self so as to find your way back in the end. Be patient, wait for the moment when the tempest cools down and allows you to see.

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Hard to keep it straight

After a tremendous beginning in my special worship of Morrigan, I encountered a “down” phase, which troubles me.

I know such thing happens, quite often maybe. But I was wishing I could avoid it. At first it disappointed me, but it then made me think : maybe it’s just a reminder that I’m only a human, and that I’ll remain one. It may also be because such intense work with the Gods need to be integrating, and for that one need an empty space (in the body, mind and spirit). So let’s call it a break. I need time to know what to do next, to strenghten the worship. But I think Morrigan understood something that I didn’t see coming : in fact I even need to develop my own polytheism. It’s my purpose, my wish, but I sort of let it go loose for the last past months, or at least, I explored quite randomly. I was very pleased to work with Dionysos, Diana, Artemis my old Guide, Persephone, Demeter, Meretseger (real help for my work with Death), and some others. It was good, but it lacked…. I don’t know, something like being grounded. So I settled down in my personal secular life in order not to be torn apart, and to get the proper serenity and stability. But this, as usual, often leads me to “stopping” my spiritual activities. It was a little scary, but I didn’t pay attention because it happened before, and I know that things move themselves and come back to normal later.

So during this period I tried to focus, to learn more about myself, my strenghs and weaknesses. I developped Qi Gong and Tai Chi practises which help me so much…. I’m working on feeling the energies of things (animals, humans, emotions, thoughts, pains, …) and do begin my apprenticeship in healing. At first I couldn’t see the point, but now I know I was right to do it and holding on : because now I begin feeling the energies involved in healing (my own, the others), and my hands feel better such things, I’m better at massage things, maybe I’ll be able to “manipulate” energies soon… I also settled the zen spirit of many of my practises (tea, drawing, contemplation), got back to my relationship with the runes, worked with animals and plants.

But after all this mess here I am, and now I’m back. Back to my polytheism. Ready to start over my worships with my gaulish pantheon. And that, Morrigan saw it coming long before me. Because Belenos went forth and present himself to me, and I think he has not left any second since. Today I realised that I have stuffs to do with Esus, starting praying and worshiping, but also starting a series of encounters (to know him), because He is the very right God I need for my works with the Underworld. As I realised reading Sarah Lawless. And so Morrigan may actually be respecting my own rhythm this time, and not pushing me… Just waiting for her own time to come. And I’m very glad about it. That we respect each other human or God, and work together as family. Damn’, I’m grateful.

Morrigan’s Sanctuary

I wish there were here some people who can read french, at least a little.

I present here to you a personal project which did not came from my mind, but directly from Morrigan Herself. One night as I was surfing on the Internet, She “rode” me as I think one says : She possessed my spirit/mind and made me create this Sanctuary which was to be a public place of devotion. It is more complicated, because it’s also a personal thing : this is Mabon and I chose to engage deeply to Her as She asked me one year ago (see the article “Inside the Cave”), so this Sanctuary is also planned to host my personal experiences as Morrigan’s follower, my studies, … and so on. But I/She wanted it to be public : to people to get to know her, but also a place to collect information, to share studies, articles, ressources, devotions, … So people are encouraged to send their personal testimonies, articles, drawings, poems, links, …

http://lantredemorrigan.wordpress.com/

This is huge for me, this marks a very important and deep step in my spirituality. I wish I could share it with you.

Dionysos’ oracle

A deep bafflement… I’m disturbed since I read it.

– Because of the content, about my “path” : I wondered about being a “prietess” or something similar for two years, and then I abruptly changed my mind because I feel unable, or full of pride. But here comes the God, talking about leadership in spirituality… I’m so stunned.

– Because of the allusion to “The Mothers”. Who are they ? Something makes me think I know, deep under the surface, but still, I can’t figure.

This night I made a dream about Him, about the oracle. The perspective was given to me, revealing the angle to access the meaning and I remember the “AAAAAAAhhhhhhhhh ok, that’s it”. But it was during a very deep period of sleep and I can’t remember a damn’ thing since I woke up ! Why the Hell ? How to find back the vision ?

The come back of Dionysos

Damn’ I think I am scared…

I worked with Dionysos during my adolescence, since I studied the whole Greek pantheon. My patron Goddess was Artemis, but still, I felt something special for Dionysos. But today as I look back, I think I was just looking at the surface of an endless well. I grew up, became more lucid ; I went through many many spiritual transformations ; I chose a pantheon close to my land… And I think I can really better understand the sacred and the Gods. But even if I studied latin and greek, translated many texts, Dionysos has always been one of the most complicated, weird, hard to approach. And today, I realise that He’s coming near me. No, in fact, He’s been by side for some time but I couldn’t see. And now I realise He’s expecting things from me…. but I don’t know what and why. I feel so surprised, so humble… I really feel little, even tiny, a tiny little believer who’s lost, who don’t know what to do to welcome this God, how to listen, what to say, … so imagine how worst it is to know how to understand this wild God and the messages He’s sent.

So Yes, I’m scared. I’m a tiny ant, feeling the Earth shaking, feeling the huge shadow of the God falling upon me.

Program to schedule :
– libations to thank for the oracle
– prayer to write and offer to Him
– planning to go to my Sacred Grove and meditate to welcome Him, try to be receptive
… maybe much more, depending on my time and “inspiration”.